- Oprah Gail Winfrey was born in Kosciusko, Mississippi. She lived with her grandmother and then with her mother. At 14, she gave birth to a premature baby, who died shortly after birth. At 19, Winfrey landed her first job as a reporter at WVOL radio station in Nashville. Shortly afterward, she enrolled at Tennessee State University in Nashville. During her freshman year, Winfrey won several pageants, including “Miss Black Nashville ” and “Miss Tennessee” in 1971. She was offered a job by the local CBS television station but declined the position. After graduating in 1976, she accepted a job offer from WJZ-TV, the ABC affiliate in Baltimore, Maryland. In January 1984, Winfrey moved to Chicago to host “A.M. Chicago” for WLS-TV. Later, the show was renamed to The Oprah Winfrey Show.
- The Oprah Winfrey Show has been the No. 1 talk show for 23 consecutive seasons, seen by an estimated 42 million viewers a week in the United States and broadcast internationally in 134 countries.
more reasons Oprah’s my she-ro
I just watched this video of weight loss before and after pics. By the time it ended, I was sitting here struggling not to cry. Just for the fact that the people in the pics took full body shots of themselves, at a time when they did not like how they looked – with full expectation that one day, their ‘after’ pics would reflect how they wanted to look. Isn’t that awesome?! I think of that as momentary pain that motivates you to work for long-term success.
When its time for your Thanksgiving dinner to start, think about the 50 people in this video and how hard each of them worked to achieve their goal. Then remember your commitment to weight loss – your commitment to yourself and your health. Imagine what your ‘after’ picture is going to look like and keep in mind that Thanksgiving may only be one day, but your actions on tomorrow dictate how closer you come to your goal. Also the amount of food you consume can positively or negatively reinforce the habits you are installing in your life.
So pass the dishes, enjoy the food and celebrate with your family. Take control of tradition and control of what you put on your plate. Also keep in mind the big picture and your desire to improve your body and your health. You can do it!
by Susan Jeffers, Ph.D.
My old roommate recommended this book to me a while back and I never read it. I can’t really say why I was reluctant to pick it up, but I was. I guess I didn’t really see myself as fearful of anything. Boy was I wrong! I think the issue was also that the majority of ‘self-help’ books don’t really provide the tools for you to help yourself solve problems. More likely than not, the author just regurgitates the same ineffective advice that other authors have shared, or the book doesn’t really give tools at all, just words of motivation. But this book is different.Feel the Fear . . . and Do It Anyway delivers on its promise of “dynamic techniques for turning fear, indecision, and anger into power, action and love”. I absolutely love this book and feel that it would be a great resource if you decide to read it too.
- Why I wanted to read this book: my friend recommended it
- Premise of the book:whenever you start something new and unfamiliar, you will experience fear. We must get used to feeling this fear, because it never goes away. Avoiding fear is a defense mechanism that we’ve all adopted to protect ourselves from what we perceive as a painful situation. But avoiding our fears holds us back from personal growth and is ultimately destructive.
- You should read it if: you want to implement changes in your life, you’re embarking on new goals or your progress on a specific goal has stalled and you can’t figure out why
- You shouldn’t read it if: self-help books aren’t your ‘thing’
Jeffers shows you how to change your perspective on fear and take control of your life. She also gives you tools to overcome the negative, destructive thoughts that keep you bound in a place of helplessness. The best part for me was that she writes about changing your mindset in order to command control of your destiny, which is so important and one of my core beliefs. In addition, she shows you how to stop blaming others, stop blaming yourself, and just get er done! This was a very empowering book and once I read some others on my list, I will be going back for my 2nd read.
Points I took away from the book:
- how to deal with loved ones and friends who don’t want you to change
- how to create the support system that you want
- don’t be hard on yourself if you’re initially unsuccessful when testing out something new
- how to stop indecision and fear surrounding a ‘big’ decision
- how to have a whole life so you won’t feel needy
- accept the things that happen in your life and let go of resistance to external events
- ways to silence the chatterbox of our conscious mind
If you have read Feel the Fear . . . and Do It Anyway, or go on to read it after this review, let me know what you think and if it helps you to make progress in your life.
I couldn’t understand why I was as tired as I was, so I really sat down and had a conversation with myself about my fatigue. Then it hit me – somewhere along the way, my habits of eating healthy foods, working out and getting adequate sleep have slipped. At first I was pretty upset with myself. I was doing so well and could definitely feel and start to see the fruits of my labor. But then I stopped beating up on myself and decided to implement a strategy that will better help me be successful in changing bad habits.
I’m starting a 30-day trial
It usually takes 21 days of repeating an action before it becomes habitual for you. So I decided to just round up to 30 days as the period of time to repeat the daily habits that I want to become permanent. I’m focusing on:
- waking up on time
- eating breakfast
- following my budget
- working out
Steve Pavlina wrote a great post on doing a 30 day trial to install new habits. Check it out if you’d like to learn more about the process.
I’m grateful that my brother and nephew are coming to spend the weekend with me! I’m thankful that I’ve been blessed with a wonderful family.
To read part I, click here. To read part II, click here.
Be a well-rounded applicant
After I graduated from college, I started seeing more advice about job applicants being well-rounded. The advice I read stated how employers would rather hire an applicant with a B+ average and involvement in extracurricular activities than an A+ applicant with none. This was surprising to me, because I’d always been told the value of studying hard and getting As in school.
How this relates to dating: its not good enough to be just a pretty face. Who are you, really? I don’t mean your thoughts, possessions, or activities, but who are you as a person? Your potential dates are evaluating this and its important for you to have a firm grasp on what defines you before you put yourself out there. Also, people are interested in interesting people. How do you spend your time away from work and other responsibilities? Are you cultivating your mind or are you engaged in quality time with your TiVo? What interests do you have, and what interests intrigue you? This adds to your allure as a future mate as well.
Make sure you attend job fairs
Lastly, all of this hard work and effort would be put to waste if you’re just sitting at home. Don’t be afraid to put yourself out there. No one likes rejection; honestly, something would be wrong with you if you did. But at the same time, the only person who’s going to show up at your house is the UPS guy.
In your job search, you’d attend job fairs and networking events and mingle with recruiters. You’d let them know you’re available and what positions you’re interested in. Going out and flirting is the same way. Not knowing how to flirt is no excuse. We’re living in the information age, and if you can learn how to do the booty clap, the internet can teach you how to flirt too. Because we’re taught not to talk to strangers growing up, flirting and being approachable is not a skill that comes naturally to most. Furthermore, black women have developed the habit of being closed and guarded in public from being harassed by men on the street. However, going to a bar, club, play or restaurant is not the same as being accosted by a homeless man or thug rudely asking for your number. The only person who can learn these skills is you. So invest the time in upgrading your skills and generate attention in your dating life.
Keep your goal in mind
This last point is the most important. You wouldn’t go to one job fair and quit would you? You also wouldn’t go on one interview, get a rejection letter and then decide to go on welfare. Likewise, if one or two men don’t respond when you flirt, that doesn’t mean its time to quit. That just means they were practice for the guys who will respond to you. Be positive and optimistic about the process and let it work for you. When you combine all these elements, be consistent and don’t give up, you’ll be satisfied in your search. It may take time and energy but the rewards are worth it.
How to treat dating like a job search: part I, click here.
Make sure your resume highlights your skills and attributes
When you’re out pounding the pavement for a job, you take care to appear professional, polished and personable. When you’re dating, make sure you follow this rule too. I admit this is one area that I slack in. Being open to dating requires you to be ‘on’ for the majority of the time, meaning to look attractive, approachable and friendly at all times. Because you never know when or where you’ll meet Mr. or Ms. Right.
Wear clothes that flatter your figure, make you feel sexy (not sleazy), confident and attractive. Keep yourself well-groomed, because details matter. When you look good, you feel good about yourself, and when you are projecting a positive feeling about yourself is when you’re most attractive to others. I’m not suggesting that you sacrifice comfort for appearance, but you already know why the t-shirt and jeans look won’t cut it. Along with this general rule is the fact that you should brush up on current events and have several topics of conversation ready to engage someone with. You don’t want to come across you version of Denzel Washington or Brad Pitt, only to be tongue-tied and looking like a deer caught in the headlights. If you’ve been out of the dating arena for a while, you’ll want to brush up on this aspect. And if you’ve been looking for a while, you’ll want to keep this in mind too.
Post your resume on a few job boards/websites
Next, you’d read the classified ads and go online to find out which companies are hiring. Dating has that option too. I know alot of people scoff at online dating, but its become popular for a reason. No one likes to be rejected and online dating is a way to lessen the sting of someone refusing to give you their number or not being approached when out with your friends. Really think about your fears of online dating and the myths that are out there when determining if its right for you. Yeah, there are crazy people out there, but you’re just as likely to meet them in public as you are online. If you can’t honestly say you’ve never met a jerk, weirdo or man that was a little crazy at a club, bar or party, then I think you should post a profile and see what happens.
As with posting your resume on Monster.com or any similar job website, put in the effort to write an interesting and positive ad. Also make sure to include photos of yourself that are appealing to the opposite sex. Ladies, we already know that men are visual creatures. Its idealistic to think that someone will read your ad, become enamored with your clever and witty description of yourself, and decide to write you off the strength of what you wrote. But realistically, ads with pictures are exponentially more likely to receive a response than ones without pics. And you don’t want to talk to someone without seeing them first, so don’t do that to someone else. Its a numbers game, remember?
Tighten up your interviewing skills
You wouldn’t go on an interview acting all crazy… now if that’s true, don’t let anyone know that I know you (lol). Just as you had to learn how to interview well, being a good date is a learned skill. Dating skills are beyond the scope of this post, but make sure you add that to your dating search checklist. There are tons of books and website that speak on this more thoroughly than I can, so we’ll move on. Just don’t take it for granted that you’ll communicate how great you are and then show up and things not go so well.
One book I highly recommend to women is The Rules. When this book came out in the 90s I remember it made this huge uproar about the advice the authors give about dating. Their pointers may seem old-fashioned or outdated to you, but if what you’re currently doing isn’t working, that may be the indication you need to think of dating in different terms. And remember ladies, we don’t think like men. Taking relationship advice from your girlfriends may not be the best idea. They think like women, not like men, and may not know how to be successful in their search for a mate.
Parts 2 and 3 will be posted on Wednesday and Thursday.
One of the dislikes I probably share with you is the dating experience. To me, alot of it is what I think of as mental masturbation – you stroke your own ego so you put yourself out there, sometimes you stroke the egos of the men that you date, but you end up doing alot of pretzel brain twisting (over-thinking and over-analyzing situations until you make yourself miserable) all for the sake of meeting a guy worthy of your time. I’m being honest here family, I don’t enjoy it. But you know what – I’m the Motivated Sista, I’m here to motivate you and myself in the process. So let’s put another spin on this thing, shall we?
I heard or read somewhere that you should treat dating like a job, and I feel its definitely a good way to look at it. Its a necessary evil that alot of people don’t enjoy but must be endured. Lets really dig into this analogy and pump ourselves up to be successful at it regardless of how it makes us feel.
When we’re looking for a job, we are intrinsically determined to reach our goal. After all, we have bills to pay and one or more people to support by that paycheck. We believe that a job is going to come our way and will meet our career needs. We also believe that its only a matter of putting in our application, aceing the interview and that job is ours. When we don’t find what we’re looking for, we know that its only a matter of time before something suitable comes our way. Now why don’t we have that same attitude when it comes to dating? Men know one thing we don’t, ladies – dating is a numbers game. The more applicants you have in your dating pool, the more likely it is that you find the right candidate. What we tend to do, though, is meet one or two applicants who look like they’ll be competent, try to make an instant relationship, and then are frustrated when the new candidate either doesn’t have the right attitude, doesn’t do his job competently or makes the workplace an unpleasant place to be.
It goes without saying that we should keep a level head while evaluating applicants for a relationship, just as when we’re applying for jobs and building our careers.
Spread word of your search to your network
When you’re looking for a new job, whats one of the first things you do? You spread the word to your friends and family that you’re looking for a job and ask if they know of anything available. Make sure you do the same when you’re looking for a new mate. You never know who knows who, and the positive impression you leave on others could serve you well here. Describe to them the type of men that interest you and the type of relationship that you’re looking for. This is important because you don’t want your aunt hooking you up with marriage-minded men when you just want to date more. Conversely, don’t take it personally when your definition of a ‘good man’ isn’t the same as your cousin Peaches. She may equate a good man to one who stands up straight without assistance and gets a paycheck. Just thank her yet be firm about your expectations. Its not about her, and others who don’t share your romantic vision; its about the unexpected new men that enter your dating pool by publicizing your desire.
Click here to read Part II.