2013 Does Not Matter

I wanted to wait until after New Year’s Day to give you this shocking message.

I hope you were expecting me to write about how awesome 2013 is going to be, how you’ll reach all your goals, and how this will be your best year yet.

But I’m not feeling that for you.

What you need to hear, more than what you want to hear, is the truth. And the truth is, 2013 doesn’t matter.

If you need the start of a new year to roll around in order to feel good about reaching your goals, then you’ve missed the point. And if you waited until January 1st to even think about or start planning your goals, then chances are they won’t happen.

It’s not my intent to be a Debbie Downer but to help you see the flaw in the way the majority of people think.

The majoriy thinks that they should wait until tomorrow to start, that they need to begin at some pre-determined time, that whenever they decide to put in the work, things will be ok.

This is partly true.

The whole truth is that time waits for no man. You need to get started today. No matter what day ‘today’ happens to be. Whether its a Sunday, the last day in December or just a regular old day. The Universe is working behind the scenes to orchestrate your wildest dreams – its just waiting for you to step up and meet it. So every day you wait, you delay the start of something big.

There’s nothing wrong with being in the majority. But I don’t think that’s where you really should be.

You were born with certain talents and abilities that set you apart from everyone else. That’s why you have the dreams and goals that you have.

So when you lump yourself in with everyone else, you’re assuming that you’re ordinary. But you’re not. You are extraordinary.

Extraordinary people don’t wait around for the right time to start. They make the time right by starting.

So which one do you choose to be today? Your choice is what really matters. Not the date on the calendar.

Become Who You Are

I just read something that inspired me to write this post.

We are all hoping something we do in this world matters. That what we create will stay with people forever. As Steve Jobs, the infamous founder of Apple Computers, once said, we all long to “put a dent in the universe.” To leave some kind of impact on this ball of dirt.

But most of us, tragically, won’t.

We’re afraid of the cost. Worried we don’t have what it takes. Anxious of the road it takes to get to greatness. So we play it safe and abide by the rules. Before we start, we sabotage our work and subvert our genius.

And how, pray tell, do we do this? With words. Subtle but serious words that kill your passion before you can pursue it. Words like “aspiring” and “wannabe”. Words like “I wish” and “someday”.

There is a solution to this. A simple but hard way of facing your fears and living the dream: Become who you are.

Jeff Goins, You Are A Writer (So Start Acting Like One)

Location 89 of 928 (on Kindle)

We are up against the end of another year. Did you accomplish what you set out to accomplish this year?

I didn’t. And that’s ok.

I’d lost touch with my writing. I’d lost my voice. I got so caught up in what I ‘should’ be doing with Motivated Sista, what I ‘could’ be doing… that I forgot the point. I forgot why I started this blog and why I sat down to write in the first place.

I wanted to make a difference. I wanted my voice to be heard.

I wanted to be ‘the female Les Brown’ and inspire people to live the lives they dreamed of. But along the way, I got caught up in how to turn this passion of mine into a business. I could be a coach! I said. So many other people are doing that, it can’t be that hard, right? So I set everything up, created a coaching program, and learned how to market myself. I started working with clients.

And then the disappointments came rolling in.

Out of the blue, I got a call from a young woman who was burning with passion to help others. She shared her vision with me. We cried on the phone together. I gave her an outline of how she could make her dream happen, and asked her to stay in touch. I never heard from her again.

It seemed that every time I opened my email, I had messages saying “help me, I want to reach this goal but I’m scared. I have no money, I don’t know what to do.” After addressing those questions over and over, I started to feel like I wasn’t helping anyone. No matter what I said or did, it just wasn’t happening for people.

And this led to writers’ block.

I’d just stare at the computer screen, and words would not come. I tried writing on paper first – something I never do – and that didn’t help either. “I’ll just write when I’m inspired,” I said. “No one’s reading my blog now anyway.”

My girl Patrenia at Personal Finance Notebook would ask me, “so have you written anything today? What are you working on?” and I’d just say “nah, not yet.” And change the subject.

Then Rosetta over at Happy Black Woman hit me with this:

@motivatedsista You know I’m always checking for YOUR new posts! Your readers are going through Motivated Sista withdrawal right now LOL

— Rosetta(@happyblackwoman) September 30, 2012

I felt guilty. But I didn’t know what to say to you.

I wasn’t feeling motivated. I wasn’t successful. And I wasn’t helping people.

But I’ve realized where I went wrong: I became disconnected from my purpose. I forgot who I really was.

I’m already a writer. I’m already a motivational speaker. And I’m already helping people. I don’t need to ‘become’ anything.

This is what I want you to realize today: you already are who you want to be. If you have that burning passion to bring your vision to the world, you’re already the visionary you dream about being one day.

The only thing standing between you and your dream is fear.

So what will it take for you to become who you dream of being? What’s standing in your way of exclaiming to the world “this is who I am!” Let’s talk about it in the comments below.

Are you one of ‘those’ people?

Have you heard of the show Downton Abbey?

The show is about a British aristocratic family and their servants, set in the days before World War I. (**The rest of this paragraph is a spoiler**) The youngest daughter, Sybil, is helping Gwen, one of the young housemaids, to find a job as a secretary. After Gwen didn’t get the first job she interviewed for she wanted to give up, but Sybil kept pushing her to keep trying.

In one scene, Gwen says “you don’t get it. You’re all brought up to think it’s all within your grasp, that if you want something enough it will come to you. But we’re not like that. We don’t think our dreams are bound to come true because they almost never do.”

Sybil replied, “then that’s why we must stick together. Your dream is my dream now. I’ll make it come true.”

This scene is one that has motivated me my entire life.

I always asked myself, “why do some people live their dreams, and others don’t?” At first I thought like Gwen did, that certain people made their dreams happen while ‘the rest of us’ didn’t. But as I learned about famous people, CEOs, business leaders and others who live extraordinary lives, I found that it wasn’t about money, about resources, or about luck.

It all came down to what each person believed.

We’ve seen countless examples of people who made a way out of no way – people who started with nothing and changed their lives.

So I want you to stop waiting for these circumstances to come into your life, because the greatest asset you have is time. Once that’s wasted, you can’t get it back – no matter how much money you have or who your parents are.

The only thing that separates the Gwens from the Sybils are the thoughts they believe about themselves and the actions they take based on those thoughts.

Which one will you decide to be today? Will you decide that only ‘certain people’ get what they want out of life – and you’re not one of them? Or will you decide that you’ll make your dreams come true?

By the way, Gwen got the job on the third try, thanks to Sybil. She wouldn’t let her friend quit and she totally believed in her. Ultimately Gwen started to believe too.

Is it all within your grasp? Do you want it enough to make it come true?

How To Move Forward FAST

Today’s post is in part a response to my last one – You Are NOT An Entrepreneur.

One theme that I kept seeing in the responses and questions was “I can’t do it because…”

So today I want to give you some tips on how you CAN move forward and start working on your goals, right from where you are. The faster you start, the sooner you’ll get there. But the longer you stay stuck in your own mind and repeating thoughts of what you don’t have… well, it’s going to take you longer to reach the finish line.

What you can you do TODAY to get started? What help do you need from others? Don’t be afraid to ask, even here. You’d be surprised at the resources that already exist for you.

You Are NOT An Entrepreneur

It’s been really difficult for me to write lately, as I’ve felt frustrated.

Sometimes I feel that my message is not getting through to you. Sometimes I feel that people don’t see how important it is to act today.

I hope today’s post really inspires you to take action on your goals and realize that today is all we have.

Are you an entrepreneur? Have you learned how to push past your fear and move toward your dream?

Motivated Sista Playlist: 10 Songs To Help You Stay Focused

Last week I read Rosetta’s playlist over at Happy Black Woman and was inspired to share my playlist with you.

My first reaction to her list was “gee, if I post mine it would be full of ratchetness”. While it’s true that some of the music I listen to is ignorant and some other negative adjectives, it’s honestly what gets me going. Alot of popular music is filled with materialism, focusing on the wrong things, and woe-is-me-he-done-me-wrong messages that I do NOT subscribe to. I’ve stated before that the mind is like a sponge and you have to be careful about the messages you absorb over and over again.

That being said – here’s my list. Can’t say I didn’t warn you about the ratchet factor, but they’re not ALL bad.

Total Praise – Richard Smallwood

I listen to this song every morning after I’ve cleared my mind and before I meditate.

Mary Mary – Get Up

Talk about some awesome lyrics!! “What are you afraid of? Don’t you know what you’re made of…” When I first heard this song, I listened to it all the time. It’s an affirming, uplifting, feel good kind of song.

Goapele – Closer

This song is a mandatory addition to any playlist about motivation. I used it as the soundtrack to my first mind movie, and the lyrics just really inspire me to keep pushing.

Nicki Minaj – Moment 4 Life

 Hate her or love her – this girl is doing her thing. It’s a great reminder of where I’ve come from, where I am and where I’m going.

Beyonce – Upgrade U

One of the hardest working women in the music industry, yet she comes across as humble and down to earth. And I’m constantly upgrading my mindset, so this song is perfect for me.

Jill Scott – Golden

no matter what’s going on in my life, I live it like it’s golden. Because what you focus on expands, so I focus on the good and expect more goodness to come my way.

Kayne West – Stronger

What I like about this song is that Kanye talks about the power of now – “I know I got to be right now/cause I can’t wait much longer”. Yeah he’s talking about some other stuff too, but that part of they lyrics plus the beat really get me pumped.

Rick Ross – Push It

What’s your limit? How far will you allow yourself to go? This song is great for motivating you to keep going.

Rick Ross – The Boss

My goal is to be The Boss…

Lil Wayne – Money On My Mind (clean version)

message here – let’s get it! Whether that’s money, success, whatever your biggest dream is.

What songs are on your motivational playlist?

How To Be Supportive Unconditionally

Keep your questions rolling in! I really enjoy doing this.

In a comment on my previous post, a reader asked:

What do you do when you are apart of a lack of support?

My only sibling is getting married to a young lady Ive watched manipulate him for years. I want to be happy for him. I want to release the ideas of him as my sidekick, and confidant. I want to let go of the disappointment of him never finishing school to take care of this woman and their child. I want to be the supportive sister I’ve always been. My gut, heart, and head are all against this marriage (its rare when everything in me votes unanimously).

I believe fear is playing the biggest part in his decision. It’s like watching him walk into a burning building, but I’m a mute with nothing around to throw at his head to catch his attention; Like he’s in autopilot. I’ve been told to mind my business by friends and family. That’s hard. He’s always been my business. I want to let go and be at peace. I don’t want to be cut off because of my opposing views. Its plaguing me. Any advise?

Thank you for submitting that question, and here’s my response:

This was a wonderful question because we often dwell on how other people aren’t there for us – but very seldom do we think about how we don’t support the people in our lives.

Ultimately, in order to release the frustration and disapproval you have for someone else’s choice, you have to allow for them to make their own decisions. You have to trust that they are fulfilling their own dreams, even if it’s in a manner that you don’t agree with. You also have to allow that people will make choices that don’t make sense to you and that their decisions don’t have to make sense to you. Your standards and outlook on life aren’t the same as theirs, and their path to happiness and joy won’t be the same as yours.

If you love someone, you support them no matter what. That doesn’t mean you have to support all of their decisions.

Just as no one has the right to dictate your life, you don’t have the right to dictate someone else’s. We are all charged with the task of making ourselves happy and not relying on others to do that, so we must stand back and give people space to do so on their own terms.

Were you faced with a similar situation to this one? How did you resolve your opposition?

What If They Don’t Support You?

Many people are so excited to announce their endeavors to their family and friends. The just KNOW that the people closest to them, who know them the best, will be estatic for them.

Often, that is not the case.

It’s not that the people in your life don’t want to support you – they just don’t know how. They have an image of you that’s not the total picture of who you are, but for them that image is true. When you add in elements that doesn’t fit with that image – such as goals and objectives that are in conflict with the image they have of you – most people can’t adapt and be supportive.

There’s also the factor that some people don’t think what you’re doing is the right thing, or don’t share your vision for your life.

Either way, in this video I talk about how you can cope when your friends and family aren’t supportive.

Here’s a post I previously wrote, with more suggestions: Guard Your Dreams With Your Life.

Have you experienced this before? How did you deal with unsupportive loved ones?

What I’ve Learned About Perfectionism

You know what’s crazy? As motivated as I am, and as good as I’ve gotten at working through fear – I’m not so great at recognizing my own perfectionism.

One of my goals this year is to improve the quality and frequency that I post Youtube videos. I watched numerous videos on how to make them better, I researched different techniques and read blog posts. I even created my own mini studio in my apartment and had alot of fun constructing my own green screen.

Can you guess what happened next?

I spent sooo much time trying to make things perfect that I started neglecting everything else – this blog, my marketing efforts, reaching out on social media and networking. I was laser focused on getting the videos ‘right’ – that I let everything else fall by the wayside. In the grand scheme of life, video doesn’t matter that much. But I just couldn’t let it go. I was married to the vision in my head of how I wanted things to be and I had to literally make myself stop working on the video aspect.

Important Lesson For Me

Now that we’re living in this digital age, it’s extremely easy to get caught up in the wrong things. One of the biggest realizations I made last year was that alot of entrepreneurs are busy working on the wrong things; if it’s not a money-making activity then it needs to be outsourced or not focused on. I don’t mean that entrepreneurs need to be super focused on making money – but that does need to be the focus. If we were here to help people and weren’t concerned about being paid for our services, we’d just be volunteers. And if we weren’t here to earn enough to take care of ourselves, our businesses would just be hobbies.

Allowing myself to work on something until it matches the image in my head is dangerous. I have the cushion of a full time job now, but I won’t always have that. I can’t afford to spend so much time wrapped up in something that I neglect the other things I should be doing. The easiest way for me to get around that is to continually check in with myself and keep the objective of the task in mind. Of course I want everything I do to be performed to the best of my ability – but I also want to help people and produce great content. So if a task takes longer than I’ve anticipated, I need to ask myself what the holdup is and how can I bring the task to completion quickly.

I also need to practice my ability to release what I’m doing and be okay with things not being ‘perfect’. Because honestly, that’s something that will never exist.

Here’s the latest video I created. In the end, I didn’t get the software and green screen configuration working properly, so I had to reshoot the video. I could’ve posted it weeks ago had I let go of my perfectionism. So this was a good learning experience for me, as well as the opportunity to help others with their goals.

How does perfectionism affect you and your goals? How do you push past the urge to keep working until your task is perfect?

Happy Valentine’s Day!

My wish for you today is that you love your life fervently, you’re grateful for every good thing in it and you’re blessed beyond measure.

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