Time Waits For No Man
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The economic climate here in the US has been tense and rocky for the past few years. I have brilliant friends who’ve been unemployed and underemployed for at least a year. The forecast for our nation’s recovery isn’t promising, as everyone has said “things will get worse before they get better”.
This is not why your business will fail.
Consumers are now bombarded with more advertising and more businesses are competing for the average person’s time and attention. And they all have more money, more resources and a deeper understanding of your market than you do.
This is not why your business will fail.
There’s one simple, evergreen reason why you won’t be successful. Its the same thing that holds every business owner, professional, hell anyone who’s trying something new – this reason holds all of us back.
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When you think about the future and what you where you want to be, what do you feel?
When you listen to loving voice in your head, that’s guiding you to the person you were born to be, what do you hear?
Do you take the time to listen, to feel, to see what’s before you?
So often, before we dare to dream and to desire something new in our lives, we allow our negative self-talk to talk ourselves out of what we want. You might say things to yourself like:
- I can’t possibly go back to school, because that costs money.
- How am I going to afford that trip that I’ve always wanted to take? Might as well not even think about it.
- I might as well start adopting cats because there’s no good men left.
- I don’t have enough time to start my own business. I’ll be in this rat race forever.
Whatever YOU tell yourself about yourself, is definitely true.
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You see, I’m here today to tell you that you’ve been hoodwinked. If you’re a woman, you were probably taught to be nice, to always think of others, to give unselfishly of yourself, and to ‘do unto others as you would have them do unto you’. And if you’re a man, we’ve all heard the saying that ‘nice guys finish last’. You’ve seen in your own life where you’ve been ‘too nice’, you’ve given and given and given, and you put others’ wants and needs before your own.
How is that working out for you??
I’m gonna guess probably not that well. These lessons are great ways to teach children how to interact with the world. Children by nature are very self-centered and pleasure-driven, so I can see where it is not safe or practical to raise a child that only knows how to satisfy his or her needs, without consideration of others or taking into account the consequences of their actions. But you’re not a child anymore.
You’re an adult with needs and desires of your own, and you’re probably tired of getting your feelings trampled, of others being inconsiderate toward you, of people ‘taking your kindness for weakness’. There are a few tactics you can use to get around this.
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- When you were created, there wasn’t a mold for you. You were created uniquely and do not have a replica in the entire world.
- Even though we live in a cookie-cutter society, the being that you are cannot fit into the box that conformity requires of you.You hear the call of your spirit as it struggles to break free of its external constraints.
- From the moment you took your first breath, you were equipped with talents, abilities and interests that no one else has. You are extraordinary because no one else can utilize these tools in the way that you can, while getting as much joy from the usage as you can.
- You’re committed to improving yourself, striving for success, and living your best life possible.
- You realize that all-that-you-are is not composed solely of your physical body. You connect to your spirit, strengthen and monitor your mind and care for your vessel that holds it all together. You seek balanced harmony.
- You know that you’re in control of your destiny, and every day you actively shape the course of your life.
Did I just describe you? Did I leave something out? What are the other reasons why you’re extraordinary?
In honor of Black History Month, I thought it fitting to write about ways we as black people tend to hold ourselves back. I find it ironic that after facing slavery, Jim Crow and the Civil Rights movement, we find ways to keep ourselves and other black people from succeeding. If anything, we’d want to succeed to prove that racists are wrong about us, right?
1. Black People Don’t Do That
Have you ever wanted to do something adventurous, such as sky dive, go white water rafting, learn rock climbing or go camping? Were you studious as a child, and told that you ‘talk white’, think you’re a white girl or boy, or called an Oreo? Have you ever been told that something you wanted to do – such as visit Europe, learn a non-Romance language, eat certain ethnic foods or listen to music other than hip hop, R&B, blues, jazz or gospel – was something that only white people did?
There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to follow any pursuit or interest that does not harm another human being. I don’t care if you want to be a goat herder in the Swiss Alps. Who cares if its not something that black people traditionally do? One thing is that, if there hasn’t been a black person to ever do it, there would be such a sense of racial pride by you accomplishing that feat. Another thing is, what was the point of our ancestors struggling, protesting and dying for us to have equal access to education, any social arena and any economic opportunity, only for black people to bar the door for other black people? This is one thing that I was subjected to when growing up and it has never made sense to me. I was always told I could grow up to be anything I wanted to be… but then black people told me I couldn’t do certain things because black people didn’t do them.
We have enough work to do to stop holding ourselves back – I’m not going to anybody’s ideas, regardless of what color they are, of what black people should and shouldn’t do hold me back. And you shouldn’t either. Unless the purpose of your life is to satisfy the black race, instead of being happy and contributing to the good of mankind.
You don’t become what you want; you become what you believe.
You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated. In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats, so you can know who you are, what you can rise from, how you can still come out of it.
Sometimes you’ve got to let everything go—purge yourself . . . If you are unhappy with anything . . . whatever is bringing you down, get rid of it. Because you’ll find that when you’re free, your true creativity, your true self comes out.
Don’t settle for average. Bring your best to the moment. Then, whether it fails or succeeds, at least you know you gave all you had. We need to live the best that’s in us.
I really don’t think life is about the I-could-have-beens. Life is only about the I-tried-to-do. I don’t mind the failure but I can’t imagine that I’d forgive myself if I didn’t try.
I have learned over the years that when one’s mind is made up, this diminshes fear.
Whatever we believe about ourselves and our ability comes true for us.
Susan L. Taylor
Just don’t give up what you’re trying to do. Where there is Love and inspiration, I don’t think you can go wrong.
When I dare to be powerful – to use my strength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid.
Never underestimate the power of dreams and the influence of the human spirit. We are all the same in this notion: The potential for greatness lives within each of us.
Don’t you just love vision boards? I’ve only made 3 and feel that they’re a great way for a visual person to keep their ‘eyes on the prize’. But even if you’re not a visual person, you’ll derive alot of benefit from making one. Vision boards are fun to make and because they’re so personalized they can net powerful results for you.
What is a vision board?
(btw, this is not my vision board lol)
So first of all, what is a vision board? A vision board is board, as big as a wall or as small as a sheet of paper, that you adorn with pictures and words that make you feel good. Remember when you were a teenager, and you cut pictures out of magazines, collected photos of you and your friends, bought posters of your favorite stars and plastered them all over your walls? Well, this is the same concept. Those pictures made you happy and made you feel good, and this is no different than that. Those of us who utilize the law of attraction use vision boards to focus on the goals, dreams and desires we intend to manifest in our lives. That visual reinforcement helps a person to build a burning desire for that goal and stay focused on what it is they want, instead of being focused on what their current state.
The key to success with a vision board is actually using it! Display your vision board in a prominent place, that you’re sure to see it everyday. You should also visualize what it will be like, once you attain the things you are gazing at on your board. And really get into it – you should feel like you are in possession of that thing. One of my vision boards is actually in a notebook because I felt hesitant to display the board when I had a roommate. It was also a way to gaze at my vision during the day – when at work, on the train, or before a movie.
If you feel hesitant at first, thats ok. The more you look at your vision board and visualize your goals, the more comfortable you’ll be with the process. And if you feel like looking at the pictures and reading the words are a waste of time, then you’re missing the point. The whole point of a vision board is for you to see your goals, create that burning desire to attain them, and promote the belief that the things you desire will manifest in your life. If you feel like this is a fantasy, that you won’t reach your dreams, well then you should work on your limiting beliefs first before you create one.
How to create your vision board
Shanel Cooper-Sykes posted an excellent note on Facebook about creating a vision board. So instead of recreating the wheel, I’m posting her instructions here. These are the most creative, personal steps I’ve seen on making a vision board. And if you make one, please reply here and let me know!
Over the past few weeks I’ve had people all over the world creating their VISION BOARDS! First off… If you made one, I’M PROUD OF YOU. If you’re making or planning on making one, I’M PROUD OF YOU! KEEP GOING!
I wanted to elaborate a little to help you FINE TUNE your board. I don’t want people just making vision boards with a bunch of random pictures and quotes on them that have no meaning… then you look up a year later and NOTHING has transpired from your board. So here are STEP BY STEP instructions to create a POWER AND IMPACTFUL vision board to really help you CREATE THE LIFE OF YOUR DREAMS!
Tools you need: Large colored construction paper or board. Glue stick. Magazines- (Forbes, essence, “O” Mag, Health, Money and Black Enterprise ect.) Pen and Paper.
Before you get started… Sit down and ask yourself “What do I want?” Make 2 columns on a piece of paper and label it “Right Now” and “Long Term.” Under “right now”, think about the MATERIAL things you desire to have in your life TODAY… Example:
- I want to earn $4,000 in monthly income.
- I want to release 10 pounds and flatten my tummy.
- I want to buy a pair of Christian Louboutin shoes that cost $800.
- I want to take an acting class.
- I want to buy a new car before winter (A new Camery)
- I want to begin to date new people and increase my social life.
- I want to take a trip to Jamaica this fall. ETC.
Now- you must have a DEADLINE to acquire these things! So next to each one write the date you intend to make those things happen!
Long term, think about the BIG PICTURE of your life:
- I want to acquire $1,000,000 over the next 5 years.
- I want to live in a 6 bedroom house on the beach in Miami.
- I want to marry the man of my dreams (describe IN DETAIL the man of your dreams)
- I want a Bentley and a Range Rover.
- I want to open my own hair salon.
- I want to fund a Ministry and open a church.
- I want to loose 100 pounds and create a lean, healthy vibrant body.
- I want to be an Oscar Award Winning actress.
- I want to go to the NBA.
- I want to be a Doctor.
- I want to take a trip to Egypt.
- I want to be a guest on the Oprah Winfrey show. (NOW Lots of people put pictures of Oprah on their boards… be specific about what it is about her… You want to BE LIKE her, BE A GUEST, and AUDIENCE MEMBER… HAVE $ like her, MEET her BE SPECIFIC!!!)
- I want to be financially free.
- I want to have an extravagant wedding. ETC.
You need to have a deadline for your long term things as well… so next to each write: 1 YEAR, 10 YEARS, 6 MONTHS ETC.
Now: Flip through the magazines and clip out pictures and phrases that represent those things that you listed on paper. So a picture of a body you want to create, a big house, picture of a Camery or a Bentley, picture of a doctor, a wedding ring, picture of the beach, picture of money ECT..
Next: Find some pictures of yourself and write or type out some encouraging phrases I.E. I AM AMAZING. I HAVE THE POWER TO CREATE THE LIFE OF MY DREAMS. I DESERVE TO HAVE ALL OF MY DESIRES. GOD FIRST, THEN PEOPLE, THEN MONEY. I WILL DO THE THINGS THAT OTHERS WON’T, TO HAVE THE THINGS THAT OTHERS DON’T. I AM SEXY. MONEY FLOWS TO ME IN ABUNDANCE. HAPPINESS IS MY BIRTHRIGHT. ECT. AND make sure you put…
Now: In the middle of your board place the picture of you and all of the encouraging quotes around it. (This should separate your board into 2 sections.) On the left… post up all of your “RIGHT NOW” visions in order of importance… So most important start at the top. On the right hand side of your board, post up all of your “LONG TERM” visions in order of importance. Then randomly place pictures of yourself in between the magazine pictures.
SO- when you look at your board there is order and structure so you can actually SEE WHAT YOUR ARE WORKING TOWARDS EVERY DAY! As you go along…check off the things that you have accomplished! Then replace it with something new that you want.
FINALLY: After posting your board… yes you will have a great since of accomplishments and you will feel good about your dreams… but MOTIVATION IS LIKE BATHING… IT’S RECOMENDED DAILY! So you need to create your PERSONAL MISSION STATEMENT!
A personal mission statement is for you to remind yourself what you are working towards EVERYDAY! It should be memorized and repeated twice daily. SO- Stand in front of your vision board every morning and every night and review your dreams. Then read out loud your personal mission statement.
Examples of a powerful mission statement: “I am in the process of creating the life of my dreams. I am committed to excellence and greatness and will accept nothing less than that. My goal is to become a doctor and empower people of this generation to be healthy and physically well. I am working everyday to achieve my goal and live within my purpose. I will only engage in activities that add value to my life and are in alignment with my goals. I am on a mission to be one of this generations greatest doctors! I am POWERFUL”
OR you can keep it simple and general…
“I am in the process of making my life better than it has been for the past 20 years. I am going to eat better, get more rest, drink more water and smile more. I will save more money and learn how to be financially savvy so I can one day be financially free. I will tell my family and loved ones how much I appreciate them today. I am an amazing woman and God has a purpose for my life. Today I will take a step towards that purpose. I will not live in fear, as I have extreme faith and I know that everything that has happened in my life thus far is shaping the amazing life that I am preparing myself to live. I am POWERFUL”
OR… I will earn $4,000 in monthly income. I will give use my God given gifts talents and abilities to acquire that amount of money. I will use that money to get my financial issues out of the way as I am building my company and I will one day earn more than $15,000 per month from my business this time next year. I will work out 3 days a week to increase my energy and I will take a class to sharpen my skills as I am building my life. By December 2013, I will have acquired $500,000, purchased my dream home, marry the love of my life and take a vacation every 2 months because I deserve it. I am POWERFUL!
MEMORIZE YOUR PERSONAL MISSION STATEMENT! So as you go through your day- if something is distracting you- or you get frustrated or overwhelmed… repeat it to yourself OUTLOUD then re-align your thoughts and actions with your mission!
I CHALLENGE YOU TO DO THIS FOR 30 DAYS STRAIGHT! I guarantee you see results in your life IMMEDIATELY! As you are taking this challenge… INCREASE YOUR PRAYER… and decrease distractions i.e. TV, radio, partying, gossiping, unnecessary sleeping, doing nothing on the internet. CONGRATULATIONS TO YOU FOR STEPPING INTO THE REALM OF BEING EXTRAORDINARY!
There is more about VISION AND PURPOSE in my book “STILETTOS IN THE KITCHEN” available at www.stilettosinthekitchen.com