Why I’m Throwing My List Away – And You Should Too

This is probably my most personal post to date.

One night, while browsing the internet at work, I came across the blog Green Beans and Little Things. I thought it was really cute, but as a single, childless gal, I don’t really follow blogs like this one. However, the bloggers have a great eye and I liked their photos, so I stayed and browsed through the blog. The pics of their little girl are really sweet. I started having a strange feeling in my chest while looking at them… and then I found this post. At the end of the page, I just sat there and let my mind run away from me.

Their pics are funny and cute, and you can clearly see how affectionate, goofy and playful they are with each other. But what stood out to me was how extremely comfortable they are with each other, and with themselves. Its evident that they love each other just the way they are, that their individual selves are enough.

Suddenly I felt utterly blind for the way I’ve been evaluating men for a potential relationship. I thought about the items on my List, and felt that I’d been focusing on all the wrong things. By the time I got home, I was in tears. But good tears, cleansing tears, that made me feel like the weight of self-blame had been lifted from my chest.

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Whats Your Theme for 2010?

What’s your theme for 2010? Did you come up with a sentence to motivate you to reach your goals, something catchy that you’ll use to help you keep focus?

Alot of people are going with the themes “Get It In In 2010″, “Here to Win in 2010″ or a similar variation to those. At first I chose “Get It In In 2010″ also. I sat down and reviewed the events, goals and intentions I had in 2009 and changed my theme to a phrase from the recurring observations I wrote in my journal.

How I Chose My Theme
Faith was one of the principles I focused on in 2009. If you’re a religious or spiritual person, you can never have too much faith, and I wanted to grow my faith and really trust that the things that I need and want will manifest into my life. Its one thing to pray for assistance or release your intentions into the Universe – but if, deep down you don’t believe and expect to receive what you’re asking for, then your asking is pretty much in vain. So this was an area I consciously improved last year, and want to continue to improve. More specifically, I will prepare for the intentions that I’m asking for, which will build my expectation and trust that they will happen for me.

If motivation is the boost you use to get started on a particular goal, then focus, persistence and determination are the principles you use to ensure your success. I find that when I’m working toward more than one goal at a time, focus is essential yet I often try to juggle too much at one time. Its hard to focus on one thing well when I have too many balls in the air at one time, so this year I intend to focus more like a laser beam than a lamp. I will concentrate more on each goal instead of trying to keep them all in my view at the same time.

Once motivation fades, and you’re knee-deep in the work of reaching a goal, thats when you turn up your persistence. The difference between persistence and determination, in my mind, is that persistence is continuing to move forward, putting one foot in front of the other and doing the work, regardless of the results you’re currently seeing. Determination is not moving from a decision that you’ve made, once you’ve made up your mind; its not taking no for an answer, staying fixed on your intention, not wavering in your resolve to succeed.

I feel that I need these principles in 2010. There were times where I focused on too many things at once, like the bootcamp I started. There were other times when I focused on one thing at a time, but my persistence wasn’t up to par and I stopped short of my goal. And still, there were other instances last year where I didn’t stick to my guns and keep going for something – I wasn’t as determined as I should have been.

A Niliarific 2010
My real name is Anilia and I will be switching to that name here instead of Prosechild. So now you know where the ‘Niliarific’ part comes from =). I have several intentions for 2010: lose weight and incorporate healthy eating habits into my life, take my business and blog to the next level – become my own boss, write an ebook for Motivated Sista, start a committed relationship, and improve my cooking skills. For the next 3 months I will focus on losing weight and learning healthy eating habits, and my posts will probably reflect that. Losing weight is one of the most common New Year’s resolutions, so if you’re on the fitness bandwagon also, I’d love to hear from you!

What is your theme for 2010? How will you utilize your theme in your pursuit of success?

Are you as optimistic as you think you are?

For the last week or so I’ve been recovering from a respiratory infection. As I lay in bed, I amused myself with a paranormal romance novel. In a nutshell, the book is about a sleep god who falls in love with a woman whose dreams he’s been entering. He desires her so much, he takes human form for 2 weeks to experience what she’s like. While he’s there, he decides to help her find Atlantis to fulfill a promise to her deceased father. Can you imagine a handsome, powerful god coming to help you on an important quest? Even though the heroine was grateful, she remained doubtful, skeptical and pessimistic throughout the book. She questioned, second-guessed, and conveniently forgot certain instructions, such as “don’t release this person because the world will end”. After a while, I kept thinking “this broad is really getting on my nerves!” After I finished the book, I realized that alot of people are like that in real life and aren’t even aware if it.

 

Gauge your level of optimism

As a goal-oriented person, I suspect that you generally believe that life can get better if you apply yourself to the pursuit of making it so. But what do you feel is the nature of life? Do you feel that life is not fair, that ‘what goes around comes around’ or do you feel that what happens to us is random and we should make the best of it? You may have a general good feeling about life, but really examine your ‘small thoughts’ to determine what your real outlook is.

 

For example, you get an unexpected bill or you blow your budget for the month. What is your knee-jerk reaction? Do you say “I knew this would happen”, “I never have any money”, or “if it ain’t one thing, its another”. These types of thoughts indicate that your level of optimism pertaining to money is low. On the other hand, if you recognize that sometimes unexpected things happen, “there’s always next month to try again” or “I may not have met my goal this month, but I’m certainly getting better”, then there’s indication that you have an optimistic outlook.

 

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Do You Know Where You’re Going?

Do you know where you’re going to?
Do you like the things that life is showing you
Where are you going to?
Do you know…?

Do you get
What you’re hoping for
When you look behind you
There’s no open door
What are you hoping for?
Do you know…?

It can be utterly frustrating when you feel you are stagnant but don’t know where you should go from where you are. Sometimes the reason is that you don’t know how to make things happen, but sometimes its because you don’t know what to make happen.

For example, you hate your job and are applying to whatever openings come your way. But you don’t feel led in any particular direction, you struggle with writing cover letters and explaining why you’re interested in the job, and you’re not getting anywhere with your search. I think the lack of direction is holding you back.

Or, another example, is that you know deep down that your mate is not compatible with you. Your relationship is not working – but you would rather stay with them than be alone. Because you feel that there isn’t much out there for you.

In both of these examples, you’d be trying to roadtrip through a state you’ve never traveled through without a map. Without first knowing your destination, its very difficult to start out on a path and arrive in your intended vicinity without many false starts, rerouting your course and sometimes doubling back on where you’ve already been.

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TGIF!!!

What are you grateful for on this Friday the 13th? I’m over here doing the gratitude dance

“I Just Want To Be Successful”

After writing yesterday’s post on creating a vision board, I started thinking about the vision board that I’m currently making. I’ve outlined what my goals are and I’ve begun to collect the pictures to accompany them.  

 

One thing I notice about other people’s vision boards, is the prevalence of material things. Most people include pictures of exclusive homes, luxury cars, designer clothes, exotic vacations and sometimes jewelry. And I don’t feel that there’s anything wrong with that. I just wonder, sometimes, why people choose these things when you can literally attract anything you can possibly desire to you?  

 

Dream Big

I am definitely a proponent of dreaming as big as you can. Dreams serve as the gasoline that keep our motors running on a daily basis. Life is short and I feel that there is nothing more important than being happy. Alot of people equate the feeling of happiness to having certain things. And again, thats ok too. I just question if deep down, people really want those things, or if its an automatic answer thats been socially ingrained into us. I wonder if people really dig deep enough to determine what makes them happy, every moment of every day?  

 

Usually the thing that we really want is not the object itself. For example, I have a picture of a 2009 Audi 8 saved in my files, that I will print out and add to my new vision board. While I love this car – I think it is a beautiful machine, and can’t wait to drive mine –  what I really want are the feelings of comfort, luxury and exclusivity that I feel when I visualize myself driving this car. I’m sure that paying an exhorbitant amount for car insurance isn’t going to make me happy, but attaining something that I’ve dreamed about will.  

 

I think alot of people have problems manifesting their desires while following the law of attraction because of a few reasons: they don’t really believe they will receive the desire (resistance); they don’t want it bad enough (burning desire); or they are not focusing on the true desire. Its easy to cut pictures out of magazines, write affirmation statements and read books, but its harder to change your thoughts to align with your desires and to truly believe that well-being is always flowing to you.  

 

Making Your Dreams Come True

I think our culture promotes material things as markers of success.  These can be markers of financial success but there are other arenas where one can be successful. In my opinion, to truly be successful, you must strike a balance between the different areas of your life. We’ve all heard stories of business giants who were married 5 times, or spiritual leaders who’ve had financial problems. Its hard to be happy with your perfect mate if you’re worried about keeping the lights on, or be dedicated to your career when you have no one to go home to at the end of a long day.  

 

One thing that may help you along your journey is evaluating how close your dreams are to who you really are. Your best friend may want a white, two-story house equipped with picket fence, husband, 2.5 kids and a dog. Whereas you may be driven to reach CEO status of a major corporation. She won’t be happy reaching your dream, just as you’ll be miserable in the attainment of hers. Thats why I question the one-size-fits-all markers of financial success that alot of people cling to. Whats different about me, though, is that I don’t believe that money is the root of all evil and I don’t have a negative viewpoint on material possessions as goals. I just want you to really understand what you’re asking for, how it will fit into your life, and if that possession will truly make you happy.  

 

There’s nothing worse than achieving a goal, only to realize that it didn’t make you happy.  

 

On the flip side of that, I believe that one of the reasons that we live is to experience the journey of life. So you should enjoy the manifestation of that mansion on your vision board, just as much as you enjoy turning your new keys in the lock for the first time. If its solely about the thing, then what happens when you get it? You should ask yourself these questions as well.  

 

Lastly, another pitfall of material possessions as markers of success is the emptiness that can come after their attainment. Once you have the house, the car, the vacation, what next? What will you dream about after that? If you choose goals that are true to you, your dreams will grow and change along with you. So for me, once I manifest my Audi, my luxury home and my wonderful husband, my next dreams will be based on our shared goals and other personal goals, such as writing my first book, expansions of my online business, etc.  

 

You can be, do or have anything and everything you want. What are the goals, dreams and aspirations that you’re working toward?

Time To Update Your Vision Board

Don’t you just love vision boards? I’ve only made 3 and feel that they’re a great way for a visual person to keep their ‘eyes on the prize’. But even if you’re not a visual person, you’ll derive alot of benefit from making one. Vision boards are fun to make and because they’re so personalized they can net powerful results for you.  

 

What is a vision board?

 

(btw, this is not my vision board lol)  

 

So first of all, what is a vision board? A vision board is board, as big as a wall or as small as a sheet of paper, that you adorn with pictures and words that make you feel good. Remember when you were a teenager, and you cut pictures out of magazines, collected photos of you and your friends, bought posters of your favorite stars and plastered them all over your walls? Well, this is the same concept. Those pictures made you happy and made you feel good, and this is no different than that. Those of us who utilize the law of attraction use vision boards to focus on the goals, dreams and desires we intend to manifest in our lives. That visual reinforcement helps a person to build a burning desire for that goal and stay focused on what it is they want, instead of being focused on what their current state.  

 

The key to success with a vision board is actually using it! Display your vision board in a prominent place, that you’re sure to see it everyday. You should also visualize what it will be like, once you attain the things you are gazing at on your board. And really get into it – you should feel like you are in possession of that thing. One of my vision boards is actually in a notebook because I felt hesitant to display the board when I had a roommate. It was also a way to gaze at my vision during the day – when at work, on the train, or before a movie.  

 

If you feel hesitant at first, thats ok. The more you look at your vision board and visualize your goals, the more comfortable you’ll be with the process. And if you feel like looking at the pictures and reading the words are a waste of time, then you’re missing the point. The whole point of a vision board is for you to see your goals, create that burning desire to attain them, and promote the belief that the things you desire will manifest in your life. If you feel like this is a fantasy, that you won’t reach your dreams, well then you should work on your limiting beliefs first before you create one.  

 

How to create your vision board 

Shanel Cooper-Sykes posted an excellent note on Facebook about creating a vision board. So  instead of recreating the wheel, I’m posting her instructions here. These are the most creative, personal steps I’ve seen on making a vision board. And if you make one, please reply here and let me know!

 

Shanel’s instructions:   

 

Over the past few weeks I’ve had people all over the world creating their VISION BOARDS! First off… If you made one, I’M PROUD OF YOU. If you’re making or planning on making one, I’M PROUD OF YOU! KEEP GOING!

 

I wanted to elaborate a little to help you FINE TUNE your board. I don’t want people just making vision boards with a bunch of random pictures and quotes on them that have no meaning… then you look up a year later and NOTHING has transpired from your board. So here are STEP BY STEP instructions to create a POWER AND IMPACTFUL vision board to really help you CREATE THE LIFE OF YOUR DREAMS!

 

Tools you need: Large colored construction paper or board. Glue stick. Magazines- (Forbes, essence, “O” Mag, Health, Money and Black Enterprise ect.) Pen and Paper.

 

Before you get started… Sit down and ask yourself “What do I want?” Make 2 columns on a piece of paper and label it “Right Now” and “Long Term.” Under “right now”, think about the MATERIAL things you desire to have in your life TODAY… Example:

• I want to earn $4,000 in monthly income.
• I want to release 10 pounds and flatten my tummy.
• I want to buy a pair of Christian Louboutin shoes that cost $800.
• I want to take an acting class.
• I want to buy a new car before winter (A new Camery)
• I want to begin to date new people and increase my social life.
• I want to take a trip to Jamaica this fall. ETC.

 

Now- you must have a DEADLINE to acquire these things! So next to each one write the date you intend to make those things happen!

 

Long term, think about the BIG PICTURE of your life:

• I want to acquire $1,000,000 over the next 5 years.
• I want to live in a 6 bedroom house on the beach in Miami.
• I want to marry the man of my dreams (describe IN DETAIL the man of your dreams)
• I want a Bentley and a Range Rover.
• I want to open my own hair salon.
• I want to fund a Ministry and open a church.
• I want to loose 100 pounds and create a lean, healthy vibrant body.
• I want to be an Oscar Award Winning actress.
• I want to go to the NBA.
• I want to be a Doctor.
• I want to take a trip to Egypt.
• I want to be a guest on the Oprah Winfrey show. (NOW Lots of people put pictures of Oprah on their boards… be specific about what it is about her… You want to BE LIKE her, BE A GUEST, and AUDIENCE MEMBER… HAVE $ like her, MEET her BE SPECIFIC!!!)
• I want to be financially free.
• I want to have an extravagant wedding. ETC.

 

You need to have a deadline for your long term things as well… so next to each write: 1 YEAR, 10 YEARS, 6 MONTHS ETC.

 

Now: Flip through the magazines and clip out pictures and phrases that represent those things that you listed on paper. So a picture of a body you want to create, a big house, picture of a Camery or a Bentley, picture of a doctor, a wedding ring, picture of the beach, picture of money ECT..

 

Next: Find some pictures of yourself and write or type out some encouraging phrases I.E. I AM AMAZING. I HAVE THE POWER TO CREATE THE LIFE OF MY DREAMS. I DESERVE TO HAVE ALL OF MY DESIRES. GOD FIRST, THEN PEOPLE, THEN MONEY. I WILL DO THE THINGS THAT OTHERS WON’T, TO HAVE THE THINGS THAT OTHERS DON’T. I AM SEXY. MONEY FLOWS TO ME IN ABUNDANCE. HAPPINESS IS MY BIRTHRIGHT. ECT. AND make sure you put…

F. ollow

O. n

C. ourse

U. ntil

S. uccessful

 

Now: In the middle of your board place the picture of you and all of the encouraging quotes around it. (This should separate your board into 2 sections.) On the left… post up all of your “RIGHT NOW” visions in order of importance… So most important start at the top. On the right hand side of your board, post up all of your “LONG TERM” visions in order of importance. Then randomly place pictures of yourself in between the magazine pictures.

 

SO- when you look at your board there is order and structure so you can actually SEE WHAT YOUR ARE WORKING TOWARDS EVERY DAY! As you go along…check off the things that you have accomplished! Then replace it with something new that you want.

 

FINALLY: After posting your board… yes you will have a great since of accomplishments and you will feel good about your dreams… but MOTIVATION IS LIKE BATHING… IT’S RECOMENDED DAILY! So you need to create your PERSONAL MISSION STATEMENT!

 

A personal mission statement is for you to remind yourself what you are working towards EVERYDAY! It should be memorized and repeated twice daily. SO- Stand in front of your vision board every morning and every night and review your dreams. Then read out loud your personal mission statement.

 

Examples of a powerful mission statement: “I am in the process of creating the life of my dreams. I am committed to excellence and greatness and will accept nothing less than that. My goal is to become a doctor and empower people of this generation to be healthy and physically well. I am working everyday to achieve my goal and live within my purpose. I will only engage in activities that add value to my life and are in alignment with my goals. I am on a mission to be one of this generations greatest doctors! I am POWERFUL”

 

OR you can keep it simple and general…

 

“I am in the process of making my life better than it has been for the past 20 years. I am going to eat better, get more rest, drink more water and smile more. I will save more money and learn how to be financially savvy so I can one day be financially free. I will tell my family and loved ones how much I appreciate them today. I am an amazing woman and God has a purpose for my life. Today I will take a step towards that purpose. I will not live in fear, as I have extreme faith and I know that everything that has happened in my life thus far is shaping the amazing life that I am preparing myself to live. I am POWERFUL”

 

OR… I will earn $4,000 in monthly income. I will give use my God given gifts talents and abilities to acquire that amount of money. I will use that money to get my financial issues out of the way as I am building my company and I will one day earn more than $15,000 per month from my business this time next year. I will work out 3 days a week to increase my energy and I will take a class to sharpen my skills as I am building my life. By December 2013, I will have acquired $500,000, purchased my dream home, marry the love of my life and take a vacation every 2 months because I deserve it. I am POWERFUL!

 

MEMORIZE YOUR PERSONAL MISSION STATEMENT! So as you go through your day- if something is distracting you- or you get frustrated or overwhelmed… repeat it to yourself OUTLOUD then re-align your thoughts and actions with your mission!

 

I CHALLENGE YOU TO DO THIS FOR 30 DAYS STRAIGHT! I guarantee you see results in your life IMMEDIATELY! As you are taking this challenge… INCREASE YOUR PRAYER… and decrease distractions i.e. TV, radio, partying, gossiping, unnecessary sleeping, doing nothing on the internet. CONGRATULATIONS TO YOU FOR STEPPING INTO THE REALM OF BEING EXTRAORDINARY!

 

There is more about VISION AND PURPOSE in my book “STILETTOS IN THE KITCHEN” available at www.stilettosinthekitchen.com

 

BE EXTRAORDINARY!

~Shanel

How To Keep the Motivation Going

The other night I was feeling extremely unmotivated.  

 

I felt very far away from my dreams, about as far away as one can get. Sometimes I get selective amnesia and forget all of the accomplishments that came before that moment of despair. I felt as if I was standing at the beginning of a lonely blacktop, and my goal stretched far ahead of me into the horizon. It seemed as if I would never ‘get there’.  

 

In moments like those, its important for any person in pursuit of a goal (or a dream, as I prefer to pursue) to objectively re-evaluate their position. At those moments its critical to silence the negative self-talk and only allow realistic and constructive statements to play in one’s mind. In order to do this, I reviewed my plan of attack for achieving my dream. In that way I could quickly see where it was I actually started from, the real destination I am moving toward, and a quantifiable, achievable accomplishment that serves as the goal post for my arrival. I also flipped through my ‘motivation chest’, the books, vision board, websites and other tools I use to keep my spirits up and my motivation fueled.  

 

The book that always does the trick for me is Napoleon Hill’s Think and Grow Rich. If you haven’t read it, its a timeless classic that will reenergize you for any task, and one that should be reviewed frequently. If its already a part of your library, then I urge you to keep it handy during those times when it seems like you just can’t reach the place where you’re striving to get.  

 

What I also like about this book is that its applicable to virtually any goal. If you see it in your mind then you can have it. And the title of the first chapter, “Thoughts become things”, is part of my favorite quote: Thoughts become things, choose the good ones! Some people may think the concepts in this book are “new age” or “feel-good mumbo jumbo”. Well, let me ask then, whats wrong with feeling good? Positive thinking is free, and aligning your thoughts in positive ways with what you want will work more wonders for your life than listening to the doom and gloom being spouted all around you. Whats more, is that no one will be as excited, as fired up, and as motivated about your dream as you. So whatever it is that you put into your ‘motivation chest’, make sure its stocked well with the thoughts and advice that really get your juices flowing. Because sometimes you will naturally be motivated, and at other times your thoughts will wander into a negative place. Be ready for those times of negativity and know that they are just temporary respites from your road of achievement.

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