Really, this is ok. I struggled against being told that I’m different, I tried and tried to be like other girls, then other women, especially in college. The older I get the more I embrace the things that make me unique.
The more people I meet, the more I appreciate the person I was born to be. To me, people are like snowflakes – you’ll never meet 2 people that are exactly alike, sometimes you have to dig deeper or get to know a person better in order to realize that. But each person’s individual mark on humankind is always there.
So when Annabel over at Get In The Hot Spot wrote about 35 Ways She Doesn’t Fit In, I thought ‘how cool is this!’ and joined in the fun.
So without further ado, here are 15 reasons I love not fitting in:
- I’m an introvert (sometimes people are surprised when I say this, I guess because of #2). I’m really content with sitting quietly by myself, especially with a book in hand. I guess it comes from being raised as an only child.
- I’m pretty goofy and I love to ham it up. I didn’t appreciate this about myself until I met my best friend, who’s even more of a jokester than I am. I used to hide my sense of humor (and just make jokes in my own head) and didn’t joke that much. I find that most people either don’t have a sense of humor, or don’t find the same things funny that I do, so I tend to zip it. But once I know you like to laugh, its on!
- I’m shy. I wouldn’t say painfully… having a strong sense of humor helps with breaking the ice. Sometimes I find myself cracking jokes out of nervousness, and I make myself stop and face the fear of meeting new people.
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Don’t read this post if you want to be ordinary…
Goals, goals, goalsgoalsgoals. That’s all I’ve been talking about lately, both on this blog and in real life.
Let’s take a step back for a second.
Do you believe you will reach all of your goals?
Do you believe that you deserve every blessing, every accolade, every accomplishment and every breakthrough that’s coming your way?
Don’t just say ‘yes’. Stop and really marinate on that. I’ll be here when you get back.
We are afraid of failure – what if we try and we don’t succeed? Will everyone know we’re failures? Will all those people who didn’t believe in us, who didn’t share our vision or feel our passion, stand up, thrust their fingers in our faces and say “I told you so!!”? Why do we feel like we should have more than what we already have? Why do we want to reach for more, anyway? Shouldn’t we be happy, content, satisfied with what we already have? Who are we to demand more out of life?
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I just smiled because I’ve sooo been there before. In fact, fear of success was one of the hardest things I had to overcome.
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- When you were created, there wasn’t a mold for you. You were created uniquely and do not have a replica in the entire world.
- Even though we live in a cookie-cutter society, the being that you are cannot fit into the box that conformity requires of you.You hear the call of your spirit as it struggles to break free of its external constraints.
- From the moment you took your first breath, you were equipped with talents, abilities and interests that no one else has. You are extraordinary because no one else can utilize these tools in the way that you can, while getting as much joy from the usage as you can.
- You’re committed to improving yourself, striving for success, and living your best life possible.
- You realize that all-that-you-are is not composed solely of your physical body. You connect to your spirit, strengthen and monitor your mind and care for your vessel that holds it all together. You seek balanced harmony.
- You know that you’re in control of your destiny, and every day you actively shape the course of your life.
Did I just describe you? Did I leave something out? What are the other reasons why you’re extraordinary?
The other day, I was having a ‘moment’. I have this huge mirror on my dresser, and as I was getting dressed, I was standing in front of it. I remarked to myself that my skin felt really soft, then my eyes caught sight of my reflection in the mirror. And I was really happy with what I saw. I smiled at myself, took a few moments to bask in that happy feeling, and then kept it moving.
Its important to note to you that I’m not perfect. I have stretch marks, rolls of body fat, acne scars, I can stand to lose about 30 pounds and I only have one dimple. But I love my body. The more I take the time to love it, the better I feel about myself and the more I enjoy the person I’m growing into. I don’t just love my body when I’m wearing a fly outfit or some Spanxx. I love it when I’m naked, when I’m clothed, when I’m laying in bed and even when I feel kinda fat. I love exactly what I have and even though it’d be nice to have a flatter stomach, I don’t beat myself up about it. I have strengths and weaknesses just like every other woman but this bundle of flesh is uniquely my own.
Getting older is alot of fun. I didn’t anticipate enjoying my days this much. One reason I looked forward to turning 30 was gaining the strong sense of self that older women seem to have. I’ve never seen a friend who’s over 30 apologize for who she is, what she wants and the choices she’s made. I didn’t really understand what it means to love yourself until I stopped comparing myself to others, stopped reaching for some ideal of what I should be or what I should look like, and just appreciated who I am, what I like and my potential as it stands.
Its so freeing to live outside of the self-consciousness, worry what others think of you and thoughts of whether or not you’re making the right decisions. When you’re the authority on you, you don’t have to rely on others, its all you. You set the tone for your life and you control your own mission as the CEO of You.
Yeah, I’m feelin’ myself, and I hope you’re feelin’ yourself too. We’re wonderful, beautiful beings with the chance to have, be or do anything. Doesn’t that just make you feel good? =)
- I want to be happy.
- I want to have abundance all around me.
- I want to be appreciated for who I am, not who people want me to be.
- I want to be loved.
- I want to be smart.
- I want to be carefree, at ease, content with life.
- I want to be healthy.
- I want to be free from the judgement of others.
- I want to be valued.
- I want to love myself more than I love anyone else.
- I want to make a positive contribution to the world.
- I want to life the best life I can, every day.
Well one night, I had an epiphany on the meaning of self love. To love yourself simply means that you give your best efforts to yourself first. That doesn’t mean I wait until I have company to clean my house or wait until I’m in a serious relationship to learn how to cook; I do those things for myself and give to myself a higher level of care than I would to others.
It also means:
- I love yourself enough that I don’t subject myself to a cluttered, dirty environment
- I take care of my body - I feed it nutritious foods that make it feel good and I work out to keep everything running in optimal condition; I also have adequate energy and feel happy from the hormones that are released from working out
- I look my best because it makes me feel good to look the best that I can, and I take pride in how I look, not for the attention of other people
- I do the things I enjoy to make myself happy
- I get my finances together to alleviate the worry in my own life and I do more for myself and fulfill the plans that I have through my finances
- I honor the time I give to others at work by handling my finances properly
The biggest part that links all of these is discipline. I sacrifice the instant gratification of being lazy, just throwing on anything, not being prepared and spending whatever I want. I take the longer, harder route of telling myself no upfront and getting into the habit of telling myself no, so that I can stick to my budget and my plans. Later I will have what I want and a life that runs smoothly. That is part of self love also. I can get more done, reach more goals faster, when I’m happy, healthy, and in love with myself first.
What is your definition of self love? How do you implement this into your daily life?
Danielle is a 30-something woman on a journey to rediscover her sense of style. I applaud her efforts because that’s an ongoing project that I’m working on too. She blogs about her progress and beauty finds. I think its really smart that she opens her blog to suggestions from others. What an efficient way to get ‘er done!
Do you know where you’re going to?
Do you like the things that life is showing you
Where are you going to?
Do you know…?
Do you get
What you’re hoping for
When you look behind you
There’s no open door
What are you hoping for?
Do you know…?
It can be utterly frustrating when you feel you are stagnant but don’t know where you should go from where you are. Sometimes the reason is that you don’t know how to make things happen, but sometimes its because you don’t know what to make happen.
For example, you hate your job and are applying to whatever openings come your way. But you don’t feel led in any particular direction, you struggle with writing cover letters and explaining why you’re interested in the job, and you’re not getting anywhere with your search. I think the lack of direction is holding you back.
Or, another example, is that you know deep down that your mate is not compatible with you. Your relationship is not working – but you would rather stay with them than be alone. Because you feel that there isn’t much out there for you.
In both of these examples, you’d be trying to roadtrip through a state you’ve never traveled through without a map. Without first knowing your destination, its very difficult to start out on a path and arrive in your intended vicinity without many false starts, rerouting your course and sometimes doubling back on where you’ve already been.
by Susan Jeffers, Ph.D.
My old roommate recommended this book to me a while back and I never read it. I can’t really say why I was reluctant to pick it up, but I was. I guess I didn’t really see myself as fearful of anything. Boy was I wrong! I think the issue was also that the majority of ‘self-help’ books don’t really provide the tools for you to help yourself solve problems. More likely than not, the author just regurgitates the same ineffective advice that other authors have shared, or the book doesn’t really give tools at all, just words of motivation. But this book is different.Feel the Fear . . . and Do It Anyway delivers on its promise of “dynamic techniques for turning fear, indecision, and anger into power, action and love”. I absolutely love this book and feel that it would be a great resource if you decide to read it too.
- Why I wanted to read this book: my friend recommended it
- Premise of the book:whenever you start something new and unfamiliar, you will experience fear. We must get used to feeling this fear, because it never goes away. Avoiding fear is a defense mechanism that we’ve all adopted to protect ourselves from what we perceive as a painful situation. But avoiding our fears holds us back from personal growth and is ultimately destructive.
- You should read it if: you want to implement changes in your life, you’re embarking on new goals or your progress on a specific goal has stalled and you can’t figure out why
- You shouldn’t read it if: self-help books aren’t your ‘thing’
Jeffers shows you how to change your perspective on fear and take control of your life. She also gives you tools to overcome the negative, destructive thoughts that keep you bound in a place of helplessness. The best part for me was that she writes about changing your mindset in order to command control of your destiny, which is so important and one of my core beliefs. In addition, she shows you how to stop blaming others, stop blaming yourself, and just get er done! This was a very empowering book and once I read some others on my list, I will be going back for my 2nd read.
Points I took away from the book:
- how to deal with loved ones and friends who don’t want you to change
- how to create the support system that you want
- don’t be hard on yourself if you’re initially unsuccessful when testing out something new
- how to stop indecision and fear surrounding a ‘big’ decision
- how to have a whole life so you won’t feel needy
- accept the things that happen in your life and let go of resistance to external events
- ways to silence the chatterbox of our conscious mind
If you have read Feel the Fear . . . and Do It Anyway, or go on to read it after this review, let me know what you think and if it helps you to make progress in your life.