How To Be Supportive Unconditionally
Keep your questions rolling in! I really enjoy doing this.
In a comment on my previous post, a reader asked:
What do you do when you are apart of a lack of support?
My only sibling is getting married to a young lady Ive watched manipulate him for years. I want to be happy for him. I want to release the ideas of him as my sidekick, and confidant. I want to let go of the disappointment of him never finishing school to take care of this woman and their child. I want to be the supportive sister I’ve always been. My gut, heart, and head are all against this marriage (its rare when everything in me votes unanimously).
I believe fear is playing the biggest part in his decision. It’s like watching him walk into a burning building, but I’m a mute with nothing around to throw at his head to catch his attention; Like he’s in autopilot. I’ve been told to mind my business by friends and family. That’s hard. He’s always been my business. I want to let go and be at peace. I don’t want to be cut off because of my opposing views. Its plaguing me. Any advise?
Thank you for submitting that question, and here’s my response:
This was a wonderful question because we often dwell on how other people aren’t there for us – but very seldom do we think about how we don’t support the people in our lives.
Ultimately, in order to release the frustration and disapproval you have for someone else’s choice, you have to allow for them to make their own decisions. You have to trust that they are fulfilling their own dreams, even if it’s in a manner that you don’t agree with. You also have to allow that people will make choices that don’t make sense to you and that their decisions don’t have to make sense to you. Your standards and outlook on life aren’t the same as theirs, and their path to happiness and joy won’t be the same as yours.
If you love someone, you support them no matter what. That doesn’t mean you have to support all of their decisions.
Just as no one has the right to dictate your life, you don’t have the right to dictate someone else’s. We are all charged with the task of making ourselves happy and not relying on others to do that, so we must stand back and give people space to do so on their own terms.
Were you faced with a similar situation to this one? How did you resolve your opposition?
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