From the Motivated Sista Mail Bag:
A Motivated CEO writes: I hope all is well with you this morning or afternoon… I have been a reader of your blog for a little over 7 months now and I enjoy reading your posts they are very powerful and most of all inspirational to me…
I’ m a 26 year old Black woman who is single. I haven’t been in a relationship for 4 years, majority of my friends are in relationships and sometimes its hard to be the only single person in the group. For some reason I can’t find love nor anyone who interest me. I’ve had alot of guys approach me but once I start talking to them I can tell we are on two different pages. I’m just in a place in my life that I just don’t want to keep dating just to date I actually want to date and hopefully find my husband and the father of my kids. People say I’m crazy because I’m only 26 and already looking for a husband but I say I’m not getting any younger I’m getting older….
I’m also struggling with my career I just finished school for event/ wedding planning but am currently working at an insurance company. I know my dream is to be a wedding planner but right now am kind of content working at the insurance company. It’s a great company but I know this is not what I want my career to be. I get sidetracked alot and that’s a major issue for me and something I’m trying to work on… my goal is by the time am 30 I want to be successful and comfortable where I am financially. That’s my goal and only have 4 years to reach it and at the pace I’m going I’m not sure if its possible. But like you said in your post (we are the only people that’s standing in our way) I’m the only person who can stop my dream from happening but its so much easier said than done… can you give me any advice on my confusion????
Girlfriend, I have two words for you: Specificity and Planning.
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I honestly wanna keep going but it seems am not moving at all. No matter what step I take, it seems impossible. I am a single parent of one, she’s seven and we’re doing ok healthwise which is a plus. I am employed as a clerk and I earn something that keeps me moving plus some lil loans here and there. I have tried relationships and nothing is working out. I have even tried the long distance but loooo. I am pretty and have what it takes but it seems men just want me for one night stand which is a minus on my side cuz I don’t wanna practice that. I would like to go back to college and continue with my diplomas and degree but finances on my side are kaput. Honestly how can you help me out? I try looking for jobs online and but nothing comes up….kindly show me how to start…..pray for me and wish me well dear sister.
My response: first of all sista, thanks for writing in. Of course I wish the best for you, and hope you realize that well-being is always flowing to you, you just have to let it in. I appreciate you sharing your thoughts with me and letting me add some motivation to your mix.
Coping With FrustrationThe impression that I got from your email is that you feel blocked on all sides. It seems like you’re frustrated because you aren’t getting results in the 3 areas you’re working on right now – finding a relationship, going back to school and finding a new job. When you’re working on more than one major area at a time, you can sometimes feel overwhelmed by all you have to accomplish and frustrated by what seems like non-existent progress.
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A Motivated CEO writes: I’ve been trying to take better care of my body; working out, drinking more water, more sleep, eating better and more often. However, I’ve fallen way short of my goal. I just need to get a good start and develop a lasting routine, but it’s so hard. I have a hard time believing I can actually make that change for the better. I feel hopeless about my physical health and body image.
What would you say to motivate someone like me?
My answer: Stop Being So Hard On Yourself!!
I know you’re being hard on yourself, because I am the Queen of Being Hard On Oneself. And in this perfectionist country that I rule over, my subjects and I don’t recognize the progress that we’ve already made, are impatient for results and don’t enjoy ourselves along the way. You’re doing well and you’re getting better and better.
Pat Yourself On The BackThe best thing you did for yourself was decide that you wanted to make changes to the way you care for your body. That’s huge! And not only did you make that decision, you’ve stuck to it by implementing changes to your habits. So the first thing I say is recognize how far you’ve come in your mind. Because mindset is the key to reaching any goal.
One thing that you said that stuck out to me: I have a hard time believing I can actually make that change for the better. Do you see that you’ve already made that change, by deciding to change? And then you followed up that decision with action to make those changes permanent? Now why is it that you don’t believe you can change your habits permanently? Is it that you’ve tried in the past and weren’t successful? So then I ask, what do those previous efforts have to do with this effort (Could it be more of you beating yourself up, for the last time and this time?)?
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Is there a specific issue that you’re dealing with, that you need an extra nudge to get you going? I love writing to encourage you guys, but I’d also like to know what other ways you could use some encouragement. It was a great experience for me to roll up my sleeves and answer the subscriber question that inspired my How To Reach The Stars post. I’d love to do the same for you. Just email me your question/topic at firstname.lastname@example.org, and I’ll be sure to respond and keep your name private. You’re always welcome to email me for inspiration and motivation at any time – today I felt the need to put out an open call =)
I got an email this morning from a Motivated Sista subscriber. This Motivated Sista wants to move abroad, but she feels that her ‘worst enemy’ is herself and her family. She asked me to write a post that would motivate her to make that move.
First of all, when I met this sista, I felt that she was one of the most fearless women I’d ever met. She has a strong and dynamic personality – she’s not afraid to say what she feels, to tell it exactly like it is and cut through the bull to the real point. I’ve also seen some of the work she’s done to promote issues that she believes in – she’s planned events, networked like crazy and traveled to DC to meet other like-minded women. So I was a bit surprised that she would be holding herself back. But, like she said, each person is their own worst enemy. We all have ways in which we hold ourselves back from reaching our full potential. And we sometimes have distorted images of ourselves, where we don’t see how great we really are and wonder how others can hold us in such high regard.
I can clearly see this sista being her bold, fearless self… in Paris. Très magnifique!
The Eiffel Tower, Paris