3 Action Steps To Take TODAY

On Your Mark, Get Set…

If you’re a recovering perfectionist like me, then you may tend to overthink starting new goals. What should you do first? Where should you start? How should you start?

The most important thing is just to START. Not when the time is right (it’ll never be right – you’ll always have something else going on and a few things to juggle at one time), not when you have more time (seriously, when will that be??). Just put one foot in front of the other and start down your new path.

This is one of those things are ARE as easy as I’m making it sound. Here are 3 things you can to, TODAY, to get you started on whatever goal you’re striving for.

Make A Plan

One of the best ways to go somewhere new is to make a plan of how you’ll get there. Also, putting your goal on paper is wonderful for banishing some of your doubts and fears about *how* it will happen. Being concrete shows you that, hey, it might not take as much effort as you have in your mind. Or if it does, once its all down, you may decide that the effort is worth it and nothing to fret over.

Now if you sit down to plan your new goal, and there are gaps in your plan, thats ok. The important thing is to develop a big picture view of your goal. You’ll get a better idea of how long it will take, the resources and effort you need to contribute, and your plan will serve you well as a tool to help you visualize your goal and stay focused on the end result.

Learn Something New

Well you probably won’t be able to learn an entire new thing in one day, but you may be able to begin learning. For example, if your goal is to lose weight, why not start by doing an activity that you’ve never done before? Like taking a different class at the gym, learn how to hike, or take a swimming lesson? There’s nothing like adding a new and fun activity to your repertoire to build confidence and interest in a new goal.

There is so much possibility in this step. Want to find a new job? There could be a great new skill you can add to your resume, if only you’ll take the time to seek it out. How about learning a 2nd language? You could research language courses in your area or online options that work for you, like French In Action or Destinos. This way, you could accomplish two goals in once – especially if you have those goals that you’ve been meaning to get to yet have put off indefinitely.

Clear Out Clutter

Clearing out old, unused items and creating new space is a wonderful way to get your new goal started on the right foot. Letting go of things that are no longer useful to you creates space in your mind for something new. Could it be that throwing away an old lover’s items will allow for that new man to come into your life? How about the plans you made for goals that you are no longer pursuing? What about throwing out all the fatty, sugary foods that you are no longer consuming as you work to improve your eating habits? Letting these things go is also a sign of acceptance and forgiveness, and a way to allow yourself to pursue them again without beating yourself up about it.

Clearing out clutter is the first step in getting organized to get more tasks done, so its almost a 2-for-1 step. Then when you’re done clearing out clutter and getting organized, you can hit the ground running with strength and focus on the end result.

Do you have a new goal that you need to start? How will these suggestions help you get closer to reaching your goal?

How Fast Do You Keep It Moving?

“Absorb what is useful, discard what is useless, and add what is uniquely your own.” ~ Bruce Lee (emphasis added)

When we think of drama, of changes, and of negative situations, we often say “just keep it moving”. But honestly, how often do we do that? I think alot of times we hold onto people, situations, and even things that no longer serve our purposes. Eventually we’ll let go, either when we’re forced to or we’re involved with the negativity long enough that we’re ‘sick and tired’. It doesn’t have to come to that.

Why We Hold On So Long

My hypothesis on the reason we fail to move on is that we hold ourselves back out of fear. We fear failure, we fear success, we fear the judgement of others, and we fear the consequences of our decisions. We date men who clearly are not the best choice for us, because the fear of the unknown is stronger than our pain in these relationships. We eat horrible diets because of the pain of making lifestyle changes. We fear stepping out on faith with radical dreams because we don’t want to ‘hear people’s mouths’ — those people who promise to unconditionally love, support and uplift us, who fall short on those promises unintentionally.

I wouldn’t necessarily say that these people, situations and habits are useless to you, as the quote states; they just aren’t the proper fit. Maybe they were the proper fit for you in the past, but either you’ve grown or the situation changed. However, if you’re holding yourself back from pursuing something greater – greater friendship, greater love, greater health or greater career status – then you’re doing yourself and those things you need to move on from a great disservice. You wouldn’t continue to wear shoes that don’t fit you properly, so its time to stop occupying your time, efforts and mental energies on things that don’t fit you properly either.

Know When Its Time To Go

Toxic relationships are the hardest things to let go. When you love someone as your friend, significant other or relative, its very difficult and painful to cut those ties. In my experiences though, the people that I needed to move on from don’t realize how negatively they affected me. After hemming and hawing for a while, when I finally cut the ties, I didn’t miss them from my life. What’s worse, I realized how much time I’d wasted and how much unnecessary stress I’d put on myself by holding on. In hindsight, I also realized that me holding onto them was causing them from filling the void I would leave with people who were a better fit for them, too.

Sometimes its not fear that’s holding you back, but a negative self-image. If you don’t think you can do better, deserve better or can achieve better, then you’ll stay right where you are. That situation will take you more time to overcome than just moving on. A negative self-image calls for drastic mental change and an overhaul in the way you define yourself. If that’s truly what’s holding you back, then its not about other people, situations or habits – its all about you.

Keep It Moving In Less Time

You should periodically evaluate how you spend your time and the return you’re receiving on your investment.Once you put 2 and 2 together that the situation isn’t working out for you, don’t waste time. What’s the point of saying to yoruself, “this isn’t working for me” and remaining where you are? At that point you can’t blame anyone but yourself for being in that spot. You’ve recognized what you need to do, so after that there’s nothing left but to keep it moving. The longer you stay, the longer you hold yourself back from the love, support, advancement and fulfillment that you really deserve.

What lessons have you learned from keeping it moving in your own life? Have you gotten faster in moving on from situations that no longer serve you? Let a Motivated Sista know!

Change Your Mind, Change Your Body

From the Motivated Sista Mail Bag:



A Motivated CEO writes: I’ve been trying to take better care of my body; working out, drinking more water, more sleep, eating better and more often. However, I’ve fallen way short of my goal. I just need to get a good start and develop a lasting routine, but it’s so hard. I have a hard time believing I can actually make that change for the better. I feel hopeless about my physical health and body image. 

What would you say to motivate someone like me?

My answer: Stop Being So Hard On Yourself!!

I know you’re being hard on yourself, because I am the Queen of Being Hard On Oneself. And in this perfectionist country that I rule over, my subjects and I don’t recognize the progress that we’ve already made, are impatient for results and don’t enjoy ourselves along the way. You’re doing well and you’re getting better and better.

Pat Yourself On The Back

The best thing you did for yourself was decide that you wanted to make changes to the way you care for your body. That’s huge! And not only did you make that decision, you’ve stuck to it by implementing changes to your habits. So the first thing I say is recognize how far you’ve come in your mind. Because mindset is the key to reaching any goal.

One thing that you said that stuck out to me:  I have a hard time believing I can actually make that change for the better. Do you see that you’ve already made that change, by deciding to change? And then you followed up that decision with action to make those changes permanent? Now why is it that you don’t believe you can change your habits permanently? Is it that you’ve tried in the past and weren’t successful? So then I ask, what do those previous efforts have to do with this effort (Could it be more of you beating yourself up, for the last time and this time?)?

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Its Never Too Late To Start

How do you plot the road map of your life? Do you assign certain goals for certain ages, for example: get married by 30, have kids by 35, etc? Do you think about what people will say at your funeral, and work your way backwards from there? Or are your plans based on the vision you’ve had for yourself since you were a kid?

Have you seriously thought about what destinations lie along life’s road for you?

However we develop our life’s plan, we all have goals and dreams that didn’t quite make it from our head to the real world. It could just be a matter of time before you begin work on those goals, or it could be that you don’t really think they’ll be a reality. Do you have certain goals that, no matter how thoughts of them make your heart race, you’ve tucked them into the corners of your mind, never to see the light of day?

A personal example of this: when I was in college, I dreamed of being an actress. This wasn’t the desire that burned brightest in my life – being a full-time novelist is. And I didn’t want to change my major from English to Theatre in order to pursue this dream. But I kept imagining myself on movie sets, practicing lines, being in front of a camera. You wanna know what happened? I can’t remember how it unfolded, but I ended up in a private acting class. I say ‘ended up’ because I didn’t consciously go looking for this class. It sorta just fell in my lap. But I never doubted my ability, never thought this was a foolish dream or that if I decided to pursue a full-time acting career that I wouldn’t make it. I never bemoaned the fact that I don’t look like Halle Berry, Gabrielle Union or Sanaa Latham. I didn’t compare myself to other, more experienced actors in the class, and I didn’t beat myself up that I hadn’t pursued acting earlier. I just focused on enjoying the class as much as I could and the fact that I was living my dream.

Perception vs. Reality
Is there a little voice in your head, telling you that you can’t succeed at your secret goals? Do you fear sharing these goals with your spouse, your family or your friends, because its not ‘realistic’, or you’re too old to pursue it now? Why is that? Who told you these things, and why are you holding on to these beliefs?

We all know at least one person who was told “you’ll never amount to anything”. And this person went on to defy the odds and make a success out of their lives, regardless of the ‘realistic’ opinion of others. Do you think they cared what others thought of them? And sometimes, people use this negative pronouncement from the naysayers to fuel their efforts. They think about all the people who look down on them, and when the going gets tough, they resolve to keep on going.

The only difference between this determined person who defied the odds and you is that you’re the only person saying that you can’t do it. Yeah, you have these other people jabbering in your ear, saying “why do you wanna do that?”, “aren’t you too old for that?”, “black people don’t do that“, “you wanna do whuh? Keep dreaming!”

Yes, keep dreaming.

I mean, what is life if not a big dream, where our pleasure comes from fulfilling those dreams? Did you dream about your children before you had them? Did you dream about your house, your car, your vacation before you had them? How are those dreams any different from the other dreams that you have, that someone has said “those aren’t practical dreams” and so discouraged you from pursuing them? What’s wrong with seeing things that you want in your mind and taking pleasure from those visions? And what in the world is wrong with you making those dreams a reality?

People doubt you because they don’t know you like you know yourself. I don’t care if that’s your mom, husband, children, teachers, friends, whoever. You are capable of anything if you decide inside yourself never to give up. You doubt yourself because you fear failing or you actually fear succeeding. But we discussed that fear is your mind’s attempt to protect you…from change. From shaking things up. From the pain of not being successful. But if we let our dreams die because of fear, what kind of life would we have? Imagine if all the successful, inspiring people that decided to pursue their dreams anyway, had held themselves back or let the negative opinions of others keep them from going forward? We wouldn’t have so many inventions, be entertained by so many talented people or be inspired by the leaders and businesspeople that we relate to.

How do you know you’re not that source of inspiration for someone else? How do you know that someone won’t look at your story and say, “if she/he can do it, I can do it too!” You’ll never know what’s possible for you unless you try.

Goal Check-In

Lately I’ve been having a love/hate relationship with technology. I’ve been searching for a solution to the formatting issue I’m having with WordPress. When editing Motivated Sista from Firefox, none of the paragraphs show up. It’s fine sometimes in Internet Explorer… But what if I’m not using Internet Explorer? Oy vey.

On the flipside, I’m writing this post using the WordPress iPhone app. I installed this app a while ago, but never used it. @IndieBusiness mentioned the app on Twitter, so I thought I might as well give it a shot. So there’s one example of how technology can make your life more difficult, and one where it can simplify your tasks. How do you feel about technology? Has it made your life easier or more difficult?

Anyway, I digress….

I write alot here about goals, dreams, and goal-setting. I figured it’s as good a time as any to share with you what my dreams and goals are.

Business goals
I started Black Girl Tees as a way to combine my love of t-shirts with a way to promote black women, while uplifting our self-esteem and standard of beauty. My overall goal is to generate a full-time income from my online endeavors, including this blog. Specifically, for Black Girl Tees my goal is to generate at least 30% of my online income from t-shirt sales. I was immensely inspired by Tim Ferriss’ book, The 4-Hour Workweek, and my business model is based on his recommendation of a business that you can run remotely and live anywhere in the world.

That anywhere for me is Paris. I love the city (who doesn’t?) and my vision is that I spend at least half of the year there.

Career Goals
While I’m busy blogging and promoting my t-shirts, I’m also studying to pass the bar exam. The next accomplishment I want to make is acceptance in an International Law LLM program. I have a school in mind (that I won’t mention) so please cross your fingers for me. I also want to attend conferences given by the American Bar Association’s section of International Law. Eventually I plan to pursue licensure abroad.

Personal Goals
I am very proud and happy to be 30 years old and I think this is the perfect time to improve my health. My goal is to lose 30 pounds. Whenever I share that goal with someone, frequently I’ll receive the reply, “you don’t need to lose that much” or “you look fine how you are”. These replies are flattering but sometimes can be exasperating. I know that people mean well but the last thing a person wants is criticism of their goal. And sometimes these kinds of statements can derail you. After hearing “you look fine how you are” and “girl, you don’t need to lose weight”, you start believing that.

It’s not about vanity for me, but about attaining a healthy, active lifestyle. When I’m not active and I get winded easily, I’m embarrased and a bit disappointed in myself. This is perhaps the hardest goal for me to attain, because of the learning and constant motivation necessary to reach the finish line. But I know that I can do it!

I also want to learn French, be in a long-term relationship and improve my credit scores. Talk about having my work cut out for me!!

I would love for you guys to comment and share your goals with me. Even if you think it’s something small (I don’t think in terms of size with goals; what matters is that we’re moving forward), it serves as motivation and inspiration for me and the other readers of this blog. So go ahead, don’t be shy!

Getting Back on the Wagon

For the last few weeks, the gym has been your second home. You’ve been sticking to your eating plan, making healthy choices and turning away from old habits with no sweat. Friends and coworkers comment on the changes your body has made. Crystal Light is your new best friend. You’ve even found hairstyles that will allow you to be cute and a gym rat at the same time.   Then something unexpected happens. You pull a hamstring; a friend visits from out of town; you go out of town on business; or, the dreaded round of holiday parties wreaks havoc on your eating habits. Before you know it, you’re off the wagon and struggling to get back on. It seems impossible to do sometimes, but it doesn’t have to spell the end of your progress.    

 

Start from where you are

You don’t have to start from the beginning, from square one. Whenever we fall off the wagon, our minds repeat the message that starting back means starting over. This is a trick our minds play on us to keep up the status quo. You see, you may want to fit into your favorite jeans from college, but your mind does not. Your mind wants your body to digest the same foods its been digesting, perform the same actions its been performing, and basically not make any big changes to your pattern of habits. The mind is a thing of habit and its been firmly entrenched in your current habits. It makes it hard for you to consciously make changes to those habits. So when an opportunity comes for your mind to resume previous, comfortable habits, it will do so.   Whenever your thoughts drift into ones that discourage you from going back into the gym, from throwing out the junk food thats mysteriously appears in your cabinets, or any other way in which your mind plays tricks on you, don’t despair. Just continue moving forward from the exact place where you are.

 

When you get back into the gym, you’ll be pleasantly surprised at how easy it is for you to resume your regimen. Your mind may convince you that reconditioning your muscles and rebuilding your endurance will be mentally and physically painful. I’m urging you to start from where you are because your bodies and muscles have an internal memory – you’re not actually reconditioning from the ground level. You’ll probably be close to the level of fitness that you stopped at.

 

Really, the biggest struggle here, is with mindset.

 

Because your mind has lapsed into old patterns of thought, your work is really to bring your mind back around to the place you left off. The problem is, its generally harder to get back on the wagon because your mind is prepared for this assault – you’ve been here before – so it takes more convincing to do the same things with ease that you previous did. One way to combat this struggle with your mind is to introduce a new aspect to the habit you’re working to reestablish.

 

Add something new to the mix

I personally struggle with the quest to get fit. While currently climbing back on the wagon, I added time on the elliptical machine to my cardio routine. This has not only given me a new challenge to complete, but it also gives me something new to look forward to during my gym sessions. Adding this new component also gives my mind a new aspect to grapple with, and its more difficult for my mind to come up with excuses for this new thing. It can’t highlight the things that are difficult or unpleasant about it, because I haven’t experienced it before. And it can’t irrationally tell me that this new aspect won’t work or that I’m not good at it either, because its something I had never tried.

 

We all fall off the wagon sometimes. Its not the failure thats important, but your willingness to get back up and keep working at your goal until you succeed.

 

What are some of the methods you incorporate to get back on the wagon?

Why Your Friends’ Intentions Don’t Matter

“What about your friends

Will they stand their ground

Will they let you down again

What about your friends are they gonna be low down

Will they ever be around or will they turn their backs on you.”

~ TLC, “What About Your Friends, from the album Ohhhh On the TLC Tip!

 

Now I have to admit, the fact that this song came out in 1992 makes me feel some kinda way… I mean there are kids running around who have never heard this song!

 

But anyway, thats not the point of today’s post. Let’s talk about friends.

 

There are alot of songs that talk about no-good friends: “Friends” by Whodini is the first one that comes to mind… fair-weather friends, friends who steal your man, etc etc. But we’re not gonna talk about them either today.

 

  

Lets talk about good friends who don’t have the best intentions for us.

Adjusting Your Priorities

Yesterday, I was heading to happy hour with a friend, when an Altima zoomed past me in the rain. The fact that the driver was speading didn’t give me pause; I was perplexed because it had TVs in it.

 

 

An Altima…. with TVs….

 

The first thing that came to mind was how people prioritize wrong (for real though – TVs in an Altima??). Now you may be saying that TVs are a bad choice in the first place (or you may have just watched the TVs in your car while driving home from work), but putting them in a car like that seems backwards to me. That’s probably a result of the driver putting his priorities in the wrong order.

 

In a more commonplace example, we sometimes prioritize for our goals incorrectly too. I might say I want to meet a new guy, or save money – but continue to attend free events that the type of man I’m looking for doesn’t attend, or continue to spend money on clothes that aren’t necessities. There are lots of different ways that we all prioritize incorrectly, so lets look at some ways where we can prioritize correctly.

 

Decide what’s most important

This first step is a subjective one. What I hold as important will not be the same as what you deem to be most important. In my Altima example, clearly the owner and I have different defintions of what’s important. And thats totally ok. Your goals are the end points of what you desire, and to me, life is about enjoying the pursuit of those desires. So I won’t find happiness in pursuing your goals, and you won’t find fulfillment in mine. As long as you pursue goals that are important to you, and that don’t cause detriment to you or someone else, then you should feel confident in your choices. Don’t allow anyone else’s judgment to affect the level of importance you assign to a goal. Just as we shouldn’t try to influence the level of importance that others assign to their goals (myself included. So my apologies, Altima TV guy – I needed a compelling example for this post).

 

Keep an eye on the big picture

Once you have ranked your goals by level of importance, you should determine how these goals fit together or conflict with each other, and how the time period you’ve assigned for their attainment will work together. For instance, if you’re 25 and your goals are to get an MBA and get married before you turn 30, you’ll realize that you have to make certain sacrifices to stay on top of your coursework while making time for a social life that will include meeting new men. This will also prevent you from blowing your budget on winter boots when you’re saving for a new car (with TVs in it…lol) or from making too many Youtube videos when you should be working out.

 

Be honest about your limitations

You may be the type of person that thrives on being busy, or you may be the type that gets overwhelmed by multi-tasking. You need to be honest with yourself about which one you are. I used to thrive on being busy – the more I had to do, the more time I found in which to reach my goals. But I’m finding that the older I get, I don’t have the stamina to pursue 5 goals at a time or the desire to go out more than twice a week. So knowing these things, I have to take account of my idiosyncracies when prioritizing my goals and setting timelines for their completion.

 

Hopefully, by following this strategy, you’ll reach the goals you really want, in a manner that allows the greatest enjoyment possible. As I keep saying, the journey is more important than the destination, so arrive in a way that works for you.

“I Just Want To Be Successful”

After writing yesterday’s post on creating a vision board, I started thinking about the vision board that I’m currently making. I’ve outlined what my goals are and I’ve begun to collect the pictures to accompany them.  

 

One thing I notice about other people’s vision boards, is the prevalence of material things. Most people include pictures of exclusive homes, luxury cars, designer clothes, exotic vacations and sometimes jewelry. And I don’t feel that there’s anything wrong with that. I just wonder, sometimes, why people choose these things when you can literally attract anything you can possibly desire to you?  

 

Dream Big

I am definitely a proponent of dreaming as big as you can. Dreams serve as the gasoline that keep our motors running on a daily basis. Life is short and I feel that there is nothing more important than being happy. Alot of people equate the feeling of happiness to having certain things. And again, thats ok too. I just question if deep down, people really want those things, or if its an automatic answer thats been socially ingrained into us. I wonder if people really dig deep enough to determine what makes them happy, every moment of every day?  

 

Usually the thing that we really want is not the object itself. For example, I have a picture of a 2009 Audi 8 saved in my files, that I will print out and add to my new vision board. While I love this car – I think it is a beautiful machine, and can’t wait to drive mine –  what I really want are the feelings of comfort, luxury and exclusivity that I feel when I visualize myself driving this car. I’m sure that paying an exhorbitant amount for car insurance isn’t going to make me happy, but attaining something that I’ve dreamed about will.  

 

I think alot of people have problems manifesting their desires while following the law of attraction because of a few reasons: they don’t really believe they will receive the desire (resistance); they don’t want it bad enough (burning desire); or they are not focusing on the true desire. Its easy to cut pictures out of magazines, write affirmation statements and read books, but its harder to change your thoughts to align with your desires and to truly believe that well-being is always flowing to you.  

 

Making Your Dreams Come True

I think our culture promotes material things as markers of success.  These can be markers of financial success but there are other arenas where one can be successful. In my opinion, to truly be successful, you must strike a balance between the different areas of your life. We’ve all heard stories of business giants who were married 5 times, or spiritual leaders who’ve had financial problems. Its hard to be happy with your perfect mate if you’re worried about keeping the lights on, or be dedicated to your career when you have no one to go home to at the end of a long day.  

 

One thing that may help you along your journey is evaluating how close your dreams are to who you really are. Your best friend may want a white, two-story house equipped with picket fence, husband, 2.5 kids and a dog. Whereas you may be driven to reach CEO status of a major corporation. She won’t be happy reaching your dream, just as you’ll be miserable in the attainment of hers. Thats why I question the one-size-fits-all markers of financial success that alot of people cling to. Whats different about me, though, is that I don’t believe that money is the root of all evil and I don’t have a negative viewpoint on material possessions as goals. I just want you to really understand what you’re asking for, how it will fit into your life, and if that possession will truly make you happy.  

 

There’s nothing worse than achieving a goal, only to realize that it didn’t make you happy.  

 

On the flip side of that, I believe that one of the reasons that we live is to experience the journey of life. So you should enjoy the manifestation of that mansion on your vision board, just as much as you enjoy turning your new keys in the lock for the first time. If its solely about the thing, then what happens when you get it? You should ask yourself these questions as well.  

 

Lastly, another pitfall of material possessions as markers of success is the emptiness that can come after their attainment. Once you have the house, the car, the vacation, what next? What will you dream about after that? If you choose goals that are true to you, your dreams will grow and change along with you. So for me, once I manifest my Audi, my luxury home and my wonderful husband, my next dreams will be based on our shared goals and other personal goals, such as writing my first book, expansions of my online business, etc.  

 

You can be, do or have anything and everything you want. What are the goals, dreams and aspirations that you’re working toward?

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