You Are All That Matters

July 30, 2010 by  
Filed under motivation, self esteem

Don’t read this post if you want to be ordinary…



Goals, goals, goalsgoalsgoals. That’s all I’ve been talking about lately, both on this blog and in real life.

Let’s take a step back for a second.

Do you believe you will reach all of your goals?

Do you believe that you deserve every blessing, every accolade, every accomplishment and every breakthrough that’s coming your way?

Don’t just say ‘yes’. Stop and really marinate on that. I’ll be here when you get back.

(see, I’m still here.)

We are afraid of failure – what if we try and we don’t succeed? Will everyone know we’re failures? Will all those people who didn’t believe in us, who didn’t share our vision or feel our passion, stand up, thrust their fingers in our faces and say “I told you so!!”? Why do we feel like we should have more than what we already have? Why do we want to reach for more, anyway? Shouldn’t we be happy, content, satisfied with what we already have? Who are we to demand more out of life?

We are afraid of success – what happens once we reach our goals? Will we become evil rich people who have one-way tickets to hell? (Do not pass go; do not collect $200.) Will we forget where we came from? Will we morph into skinny b*tches who are evil, who are vain and self-centered? What if we can’t handle all that shiny new success? What if we get to the finish line and find that we don’t like life on the other side? What if everyone thinks we’re brand new, and don’t like the new people we’ve become?

We are afraid of leaving our comfort zones – doing all this new stuff is hard… I mean, what if we can’t do it? What if we’re not good enough? Strong enough? Smart enough? Pretty enough? What if we’re too much? What if we’re not meant to be over there? What if right here is where we’re supposed to be, and we mess something up in the Universe by moving from the right spot?

We are afraid of what others think of us… we are afraid that others don’t think of us, that we won’t be noticed and we’ll live lives of quiet desperation and anonymity. We are afraid to try… we are afraid of the regret that comes from not trying… we are just simply afraid.

Where did all this fear come from?

When did being normal or ordinary become equivalent to being mediocre? Why do we put so much stock into following the crowd, when we already know that what we want is different? What we want is extraordinary, not found every day, not a cheap commodity, not lying in the road to Easyville. Our main problem isnt that we don’t know what we want, don’t know how to get there, and will never get there.

Our main problem is that we won’t allow ourselves to get there. We are the only thing holding ourselves back from success.

So what’s the problem? Why do we do that? The only answer I have for you is that: you are holding yourself back because you don’t think you are enough.

Take a minute to think about that one, too. And I don’t mind waiting again, you’re worth it.

(told you I’d still be here…)

Let’s revisit some of those questions I posed above:

  • what if we try and we don’t succeed? [why would you fail? Are you telling yourself that you’re not good enough just the way you are?]
  • Will everyone know we’re failures? [will they find out the ‘truth’, that we’re not good enough?]
  • Will all those people who didn’t believe in us, who didn’t share our vision or feel our passion, stand up, thrust their fingers in our faces and say “I told you so!!”? [they don’t think we’re good enough, will they find out that they’re right?]
  • Why do we feel like we should have more than what we already have? [we’re not good enough to have more]
  • Why do we want to reach for more, anyway? [we’re not good enough to have more, we already have all that we deserve]
  • Shouldn’t we be happy, content, satisfied with what we already have? Who are we to demand more out of life? [because of course, we don’t deserve more… because we’re not good enough for more than what we have]
  • what happens once we reach our goals? Will we become evil rich people who have one-way tickets to hell? (Do not pass go; do not collect $200.)  [our morals and beliefs aren’t good enough to keep us grounded]
  • Will we forget where we came from? [will we forget that we’re not good enough?]
  • What if we can’t handle all that shiny new success? [we’re not good enough to maintain what we’ve achieved; we weren’t good enough to get there in the first place]
  • doing all this new stuff is hard… I mean, what if we can’t do it? [we can’t do it ’cause we’re not good enough]
  • What if right here is where we’re supposed to be, and we mess something up in the Universe by moving from the right spot? [we better stay in our lane, we’re not good enough to make demands and what not]

Now I wrote all that to show you that fear is nothing more than a tape recorder that plays in your head. Whether you pursue your dreams or not, its always going to play. Whether its playing negative messages about your goals, something you’ve already done (and can’t change) or something that hasn’t even happened yet (worrying over your chickens before they hatch), its never going to stop playing. So you can either learn to ignore your fear or succumb to it and get nowhere because of it.

My last questions for you

Now, go get a drink of water, take a break or use the bathroom. I asked alot of you and have a little more effort that I want you to give. I leave you with these questions in love, not from an attitude of superiority or condescension, but out of exasperation (somewhat). Because I read the comments that you guys leave, and I don’t think you really know how beautiful, talented, worthy that you all are. I’m not sure if you know that you were born good enough, that no one is better than you nor can anyone take anything away from you that you don’t allow them to take. Ordinary people walk around in a daze… giving their time, attention, money and energy to others, not questioning authority, willingly accepting less than what they deserve, not realizing that they are priceless… but people who know their worth, who know that riches begin in the mind, know that their reality is not what’s seen on the outside but what they see for themselves on the inside.

Answer these honestly for me. I’d love it if you answered (at least one) in the comments section, but if you don’t want to make them public, feel free to shoot me an email at Anilia[at]motivatedsista.com.

  • Whose opinion matters more than yours?
  • Why are some people deserving of wealth, health and happiness, but you’re not?
  • What makes rich people or happy people any different than you?
  • What will honestly happen if you don’t reach your goals?
  • More importantly, what will honestly happen if you do reach your goals?
  • What will be the bigger tragedy for you: if others were right that you couldn’t do it, or that you were wrong that you could?
  • Are any of those fears swirling around in your mind actually true??
  • Which emotions are stronger: your fears or your desires? Which one will you allow to have dominion in your life?


I could go on, but I won’t. At least not today. I’ll await your answers before I post about your next steps on your road to a phenomenal life.



Enjoyed this post? Fill in the form below to subscribe, or click here to subscribe to my RSS feed.

Enter Google AdSense Code Here

Comments

5 Responses to “You Are All That Matters”
  1. Tammy Chandler says:

    O my goodness, this one drove me to tears! I am fighting this issue right now. I know I am and can do better for myself if I make some drastic changes in my life (like relocating,) yet NO ONE in my life is supportive of that. Actually against it because I have a child and they dont believe that I should uproot him from his “home” or leave him behind with his father. My past still holds me back till this day and it is driving me crazy! Thanks for the read…..have to go finish crying and than MAKE A DECISION!

    P.S. you must be a fly on the wall in my head!

  2. Valeria says:

    I’ve been there and done that! I had my son at 18 and I uprooted my son for my medical education THREE times. My family wasn’t supportive either and that was very difficult to deal with but I did what was right for me AND my son. It was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made! I’ve never “went back home” and sometimes you have to leave what is in the past there and just make a “new” start somewhere else. In your gut – you know what YOU need to do. Follow that instinct and just know that you made the right choice for YOU! Everything will turn out wonderfully!

    • Tammy Chandler says:

      Valeria, THANK YOU SO MUCH for sharing that with me. It really means alot hearing it from someone who has walked in my shoes. I know that not everyone will agree with my decision and thats ok. As long as I stick to the plan and do what I am supposed to do ALL will be ok!

  3. Britney Butler says:

    I truly believe that this post was intended for me. I’m 23yrs of age, and am struggling with the very things written about in this post. I’m a psychology major (should have graduated May ’11) but didn’t because of poor decisions my 2nd and 3rd year of college. As of late, I’ve felt unenthusiastic about my classwork. I haven’t been keeping up with homework, or anything. I know what the issue is… I’m afraid of messing things up again. I want to succeed so bad that I’ve scared myself into doubt, procrastination, and the fear of not measuring up. I know what I should be doing, but I’m not doing it. I’m not sure this makes sense, but this is where I’m at. I don’t have much of a support system, actually my family is waiting for me to fail (like them)… the pressure is on, and I’m allowing my mistakes from two years ago to steal from my present. A change, no a made up mind, is what I need. Gotta push!

    • Anilia says:

      Britney,
      the fear you speak of happens at any age. It sounds like you’ve lost focus on WHY you’re working toward your degree. Once you connect back to your purpose and believe you will do it, there’ll be no stopping you. Take some time to really think about what your life will be like after you graduate, the things you want to accomplish once you’ve finished, and how great that sense of accomplishment will feel.

      We all have a fear of failure. Just know that if you don’t take positive action, like doing your classwork and studying, you will bring about the very situation you’re trying to avoid. The mind is like a sponge so if you’re replaying scenes in your mind where you fail, you don’t pass and your family has negative things to say, your mind will start to bring those about. So start by envisioning what success looks like for you and try to tune out any negative things people might say.

      Also, the past is the past. You don’t have to make the same mistakes as you previously made, and you’re now wiser for the lessons you learned from them. Don’t stay there in your mind, you can only take action and affect the present, which is passing you by when you dwell on the past and imagine what will happen in the future. It’s exactly like you said “I’m allowing my mistakes from two years ago to steal from my present.”

      In terms of your family – don’t give them the power to determine your future. They chose their lives, and you’re choosing your own by the actions you take. Do you want to join them? Or do you want to define success for yourself? Here’s a post I wrote on tuning out the naysayers in our lives: http://www.motivatedsista.com/2010/10/07/tune-out-the-naysayers/

      In terms of a support system, your best bet may be other students. Start making like-minded friends and you’ll find they support your struggles right where you are. You’ll also feel good by supporting them too and helping each other succeed.

      ((Hugs)) Britney – I know what you’re going through! But you can do it with focus and determination.

Speak Your Mind

Tell us what you're thinking...
and oh, if you want a pic to show with your comment, go get a gravatar!

CommentLuv badge